Thursday, December 2, 2010

Long Long Long Day

I had a long chat with April last night till late, it was on face book, she was at Hannah's, then we talked on the phone some, had a good visit, she told me of her plans to be married on Feb 19, 2011, that she and Doris had found some brides maids dresses, I ask her did she realize this hurts my feelings, and she said she wanted me there and be a part but knew I wouldn't. Then they have a friend who can do the flowers, sound like they have it all planned out. I prayed the whole time we were talking about what to say, I mainly listened...having so many different feelings, trying not to react but respond. I ask April why the hurry? if Seth is the one, he will be the one a year from now, that if she planned on Marring this Feb., I do not think I could come to her wedding and it be a joyous day for her and I love her to much to ruin her day, no doubt I am not a actress and do not have a poker face, if I were there it would be stressful for all around, and I do not even trust my flesh not to say what I would like to say about it all, so if that goes down then April has made a decision against all I know. People who know me know my life is a open book, if you know me you know my failures and victories, my hurts and healing, I thank you for walking though this painful time with me. I again told April this is not about Seth, this is about her and is she doing what she knows is right? I ask her to wait a year, a year from Dec. 1st which is 2011, then if she still knows Seth is the one she is to marry, I will kick it in gear and plan a wonderful wedding, help them with a place to live, do all the hoopla that comes with a wedding. I of all people desire from the bottom of my heart to be a part and plan and be at my daughters wedding, this is April and Seth not being engaged, not planning a wedding, but waiting till a year from now, then if they both still know this is God's will, then go for it, with my blessing. I have bent over back wards to go along with them, to accept the things and say it is ok for now, I even heard that some say I go back and forth and I do, because I am torn, I want to believe it is right for now and try to re trust them, all to be made a fool of and lied to over and over, when the timing is right they will both be mature, they will be able to share their ideals and lifestyle and not have to lie to cover things up........then we will know....Seth may be the man she is to marry, at one time I really thought he was and was excited for them, until I saw how strong the hand of the deception was in their can not build a marriage on nothing but the solid Rock of Jesus Christ, all else is sinking sand. Not sure what her answer will be, she had said she would wait a year, but was at church tonight so she may change her mind......I pray she waits, she is almost 20 so they have plenty of time for marriage.....not sure why the rush. This kept me up all night, I prayed and prayed and finally found peace in it, the place I am at is, where there is no authority there is no responsibility, that will be up to April if she has her family at her wedding or if she is ok to let Doris plan it all with her and she be the only Averitt there.

I took Sherry to have oral surgery today, then worked some, then came home and cooked, Hannah and Mark are here, she goes to the Dr. in the morning, April is to babysit the little ones. Mother is doing ok, just hard to see her sometimes in a tizzy....she just does not understand sometimes, I have learned just to hugged her and tell her she is ok, not to worry about anything, she will settle down then. Tomorrow is Jill's birthday!! I got her some of my favorite things:) I love this time of year, even with all this with April, I am looking on the bright side with her or without her, just hoping she will listen to my counsel.......hugs and nite

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