Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Wednesday praying about change of plans:)

Worked today, getting loans closed and fumming over mtg. companies not getting loans done on time, just pitch a few fits today, I do realize it is easier to get bees with honey than vinegar:) its just so irritating when you know a loan is late on closing because someone does not do their job. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........had lunch with my good friend Dinah and her daughter Casi, and Pam, loved being with them....I have needed my friends and missed them. Sherry was coming but I was suppose to call her after my listing appointment and bound me, I forgot to call her, she called when we were half way through our meal:(((( I really miss her, she is getting a estate sale ready and very busy....but I need me some Sherry time. I feel as if I have a huge load lifted off of me, I am still at mother's at night and that is ok for now, but during the time here I have realized so much. For one, I can not move mother into my home or live with her in hers, Kay is not able to do this either. I can do it for a lot of the time but for sure mentally I can not do it all the time and work, even if I did not work, I could not do it. I am not ready to give up my life and my self, and you know I do not feel guilty about that, I think I have studied so much on boundaries that I knew I had to do something different or it was not healthy for me or mother or Steve and April. I have read so much on Alzheimer's and the care givers, I want to be totally involved in mother's life but as her daughter and friend, I have Faye who can come at night and some week days, she will come three nights a week, then April will do one and I will do the other two, I am not ready not to spend some night cause I do love my time with mother, it is so much easier to be there when you have a a break from it, not saying she is hard or mean or rude, she is sweet,loving,caring, and loves to go, its just repeating things over and over and she needs your attention and it is easier when I have my work caught up and can give it to her not stressed my self. I have another care giver Connie she will come during the days and Judy Steve's sister comes days so I have several who will love and care for mother the way I do:) My plan is to move mother close to me in her own home, she will move to Jared's as we had planned before Walt died, then I will take her to Lousiana to visit her sister Connie for a few days and have her all moved when she gets back. I worry about confusing her but really she adjust so easy to these changes, even with different care givers she has adjusted, I have to make the decision best for me and mother. This is what I think is best as of today. I think mother's memory isbeter with proper nutrition. The grand children live close by and can run by and visit a lot more, mother will love that. Alicia is coming by tonight and mother is looking forward to her visit. I thought of just doing a blog on this but I decided no way I can keep up with two blogs so bear with me, this is my life right now:) It helps to write it all out. I talked with Kay about all this today, she will pick some paint colors and we will get the house painted and all ready for mother, it is already real clean, Steve already does that yard, plus Jared is close to help. April Bivens and Alicia and Jared will all be close and Kay will be close, I just think it is a move we need to make. Dread all the work but excited to have some direction and help:))) got to watch American Idol with mother.....hugs and nite....oh yes, I got mother something to help her sleep:))) it reminds me of when Sean was a baby he never slept and I remember going to Dr. Levin saying either you give me something to help him sleep or give me something to where I can sleep though it:))) It will feel sooooooo good to get a good nights sleep, I am for sure sleep deprived!! by the way as you can tell from previous blogs, I have bounced form plans to plans because I was not sure what to do, as a mother when I was unsure I gather my chicks under my wings, almost smother them till I know things are safe and secure again and I do that with mother:)) these plans are all subject to the Lord's plans, I told Jared if his home sells then there is something else, it was shown for the second time today, he was not going to show it but I said no show it, if it sells then God will direct our steps, this is what I am asking Him, is for complete wisdom and direction:) just so you will know I know I am like a bouncing balllllllllllllllllllll!! It will all come about I am confident of that!!

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