Happy Memorial Day!!

Well I just wrote a whole post and lost it, I hate it when that happens, cuz now I do not want to do it all over again so you get the condensed version:(((( Yesterday we had a great family time at Bob and Alicia's we swam and ate US Pizza salad and pizzas, Kay had brought a birthday cake to surprise April Bivens her birthday is June 2nd. it was white icing on white cake form community bakery, April's favorite and it was real good. Mother and Aunt Mildred and Sharon had a good time and got to meet my girls, my boys were not there neither was Clay, we missed them but hey had already made other plans. Something bout boys:) I always have said girls stick by their mom's and boys stick by their wife's:) guess that is the way it is suppose to be:))) Not saying I do not have good boys, I do! Just can not please two women at the same time so they please their wife which is the right thing to do:)) that is who they live with. We really did miss them but all the others got to meet Aunt Mildred and Sharon. Plus all my boys work long hard hours and they deserve a break and be at the lake to relax from their work. I came home about 5:30, had planned on going to church for a pot luck but was way to tired, brought Blake adn Oliva with me and we were all in bed by 6:30 and asleep right after, I thought I was just laying down with Blake but did not wake till this am....I needed the sleep. Olivia is still asleep and Blake and daddygran are cooking a daddygran breakfast:) Hannah and mark are sleeping in since I get up so early, miss april is for sure still asleep. Today I may go back to alicia's and swim then go to greenbrair to write a offer, I am excited it is my listing and has a $5000 dollar bonus on it!! YAHOO!! I think I will write another one on my other listing out there too....so pray! Pray this week for mother to bond with her new care givers, I pray she does and it goes well, if not I am not sure what we will do, she has met them and likes them:) gotta run and start my day......love and hugs and Thank a Veteran for making Memorial Day possible!

The Mcgills are here:)

Max setting up crokay...sp...:)

Olivia

No more quiet house or clean house, things are every where and so are the babies!! Steve was on his John Deere :) when they came, Blake went straight to it, after hugs and kisses and wanted to ride with his daddygran and he did:) Olivia came grinning ear to ear saying NaNA! Max ran in the house and I was amazed how he had grown taller!! So many hugs and kisses and fun times, laid in bed watching Land before time last night, fell asleep:) Today we are going swimming at Bob and Alicia's fro some good ole family time, then I may go to church, they are having a potluck tonight, depends on Aunt Mildred and mother. I have a baby gift I have had for someone now forever and need to give it to Roxie before her baby can not wear it:) Well off for a fun filled day! HUGS

Company coming to town!

sitting on the deck,Sharon, Aunt Mildred, Mother who is 100 pds. now, gained 16 pds. in three weeks:) in her size 2 pants!

Aunt Mildred, Sharon

Mother seeing Aunt Mildred

A sister hug:)

Wednesday night Kay spent the night with mother, I worked Thursday am then went to store and to mother's to get everything ready f0r company!! I made sour cream chicken, squash casserole and purple hull peas for dinner, but for lunch mother and I had a sweet potato, creamed spinach, mac and cheese and it was some kind of good, I also made chicken and dumplings again for the company, tomorrow will be roast, potatoes and carrots at mothers. I have Hannah and Mark and the kids coming to my house and can not wait to play and visit with them:))) I will make lasangna for her and salad, then Sunday we go to Alicia's for a swim party, my Aunt Marie is coming too, with mother and Aunt Mildred and Sharon. Sean and sarah are at the condo, Jared and Jenn in mtn. home, Alex and Jill have church potluck and work on Sunday so we will be short a few and they will all be missed:((( I am really tired tonight, it has been a full day of work and getting beds ready for company, mother's house is ready and plenty of food, wish she had already moved so it would be closer to just go around the corner instead of driving 20-30 minutes one way! I am preparing her for her move the best I know how, and I think she will like it once its over with, I just hope we all survive it:) Have movers coming at 1pm on June 12th........its over whelming to think about it:) Lord help:) what I say all the time. Well I am going to bed, I have been tireder before for sure but for sure ready for bed. Enjoy the pics of Aunt Mildred and Sharon getting here. Aunt Mildred shared so many memories tonight at dinner, mother just laughed till she cried, we all did...such a sweet time!

This to will pass

Little Dog

When I was a little girl my Papa had this little iron dog, he chained it to a dog house in the corner of his front lawn, they lived on Signal Mountain in Tenn. It is heavy and I would always go pet it:) I decided to name it Little Dog Jack:)

I named this blog, this too shall pass, because of all the stress I have had lately, when I found out I was pregnant with my fifth child and my fourth child was only four months old I just cried and cried, my dear friend LaJuana Mcgee got me this book, If I perish, I perish:) as you all know I did just find , I am so thankful for my son Jared! That is sorta how this week has been, very busy and at times I thought if I perish, I perish........but thank you for your prayers, I have hope and peace for tomorrow, my son and I talked this am and it was a sweet talk, we will met and talk more this week end. I can see clearer why he was so upset, and I apologized for the things I had said in hurt and he apologized for speaking when he did not have the whole picture, we still may not agree but that is ok. This to will pass!!! As I told Steve when things like this happen and they do, then I always seek the Lord in what He is trying to show me or help me with, even though we may not like what someone says there may be some truth in it and you can learn from it....once you get past the hurt feelings, anger and frustration of it all. I would of just chose a different time in my life when I was not already on over load, but I know God works it all for my good and my son's good and we will be stronger for it all:)))) I am at mother's tonight, got so much to do tomorrow and would love to go to bed but if you remember she does not go to bed very early, I did give her meds early hoping it will help her be ready for bed about 10ish:) normally its after midnight:((((( she and Walt had the habit of staying up all night and sleeping in the day, so mother still has some bad habits:( not if Alicia was here it would be just fine because she is a night owl! so is April Averitt:) I am excited Hannah and her family will be here for the weekend, Aunt Mildred and Sharon will be with mother. I will need to be here some but really want to have some time with my mcgill babies:))) can't wait!! Keep my friend Sandy Hick's family in your prayers, she past away Monday, she worked with McKimmey, she went in for foot surgery as a out pt. and died the next morning, her daughter checked on her and she was not breathing right and her daughter called 911, she past away at the hospital, her family is in shock, so pray for them, her funeral was today, I wanted to go but felt so emotionally Lucy goosey that I did not go, I would hate to fall apart like a crazy person in public:) but my heart was with her family. I know she is in heaven with her mother who she so loved that past earlier. well best go and do what ever:) hugs

A mother's heart

Yesterday was a hard day for me, some things I said and my son said were very hurtful for us both. I am the type person who wants any conflict resolved but it is so hurtful I can not resolve it with him because I am not sure we can even talk to each other. This breaks my heart and I know it breaks his heart. I can do nothing but really pray and trust the Lord with it all. I was just wondering if a mother's heart ever can get to the place that she would not be so hurt when her children are upset or hurting? I wish I could step outside my body and just not hurt, and not have to work through things, but as you know I can not do that. To me its not a matter of me being right or him being right its a matter that we have to respect and trust each other to make the right decisions in our own life. I just have so many emotions form anger to hurt to feeling like I just want to quit to want to grab up all my children and hold them.....Lord help me, I need you to heal me and my hurt feelings and my son's. You know when raising our children we make many mistakes, we wish we could changed things we have done and wish we would of done things we did not do but you do what you need to do to survive and keep a roof over their head and food in the pantry. Having six children was not easy, Steve worked night and day to provide for them and me to the point today he is disabled. I watched my sister work herself to death to provide for her children, so they have college educations to provide for them self today, we did the same, and would do it all over again. I know my children have wounds form me being their mother, as I have wounds from my childhood. God has worked me through so many areas of my childhood that was so very painful, most people do not survive what Kay and I went through and be normal, if you can say were normal:) but God has been faithful to heal me and Kay and I trust He will heal my children from the mistakes I made in their childhood. I love having a big family but sometimes it can still be over whelming to me, there is no way to be at all the grand babies deals, dance, swim, ball, recitals, etc. but Steve and I try. I am just not sure what life is doing with me right now, when I think ok, I am going to make it, something happens as did yesterday to totally knock the breath out of me, I come out fighting, I then just go in a shell and try to protect my self from any more pain.....this is not a good thing, just the way I survive...till I can breath again. We have a saying at work, we may fuss behind closed doors but when we cross the street we hold hands, I feel my family is this way. With a large family not everyone will get along, I have very opionated children and Steve and I are:) so we confront everything and want to say our peace of mind, and we all think we are right in what we are saying....of course when its all said and done we realize we can be wrong and sometimes we are right.....then we humble our selves and ask forgiveness of each other....and life goes on.....but why does it have to be this way??? I just get sick of life's problems, but in a position I have to face them and will in God's grace. I was not going to blog but felt I really needed to blog it is where I find peace, I am a honest person and do not have many secrets so I was not sure why I felt I could not share my heart on this blog this morning but I did, so please pray for me and my family, with the death of Walt and the care for mother, me being POA which is something I will never put my children though, it is very hard. My ADD is awful, I have major real estate deals going now and I do not need to have to struggle so hard to think clear, I went to Dr. Sanderson today, just wanted a check up on my blood to make sure I have all the iron and things I need in my body, I have lost 11 pds in two weeks which is losing to fast but eating is hard for me and I NEVER thought I would say that, my low back is killing me from doing all I have at mother's and my own flower bed, so I did it to my self but it still is a nagging pain 24/7, not wanting your pity, I am not feeling sorry for my self, I think I am in a place of healing and persuverance and God will be faithful to me in this place....just hurting right now and I would like to have it more together, a friend called this am and I started crying on the phone, she called about real estate nothing personal, so I really need to be more together to get my deals closed, I have four closings in the next two days and I need to be at my best, so pray for me....takes and hugs

taking a sabbatical

Taking a sabbatical from my blog for a few weeks, I am totally real in my blog and for now do not think I can blog for real, so need to take a break till I can:) Please keep me in your prayers as I have you in mine.....hugs to all

linda lou averitt afternoon:)

woohoo....had a me afternoon, got a massage my niece gave me then did nails and toes, then to Panera Bread for french onion soup with my good looking hubby, now home and in PJ's:))) feeling rested and feminine:))) if you get my drift:) Sunday mother went with me to show property in Greenbriar, she did just fine, then we went to Cracker Barrel and for 12.22 we ate a plate, called something, it has meat loaf, ham, chicken and dumplings, then we had turnip greens, pinto beans, cabbage and corn bread, water and topped it off with blackberry cobbler and ice cream, mother cannot have to many blackberries due to the seeds and diverticulitis, so I hope it does not upset her, so far so good, she ate most of the ice cream. Mother has gained to 100 pds, that is 16 pds. in three weeks, she eats all the time, she was starving to death! Of course you have to sit with her to get her to finish her meal, so I am eating healthy and three times a day too, but I have actually continued to lose, I have about 20 more pds. to go to reach my goal!! Just need a lot of exercise to tone up all my lose skin:))) UGH!! Its always something. Took better pics of the baskets and mother at work with me, enjoy!!! Tomorrow is sales meeting, we have a Cabot agent who went into the hospital for foot surgery and past away this am, totally not expected, she was fine before surgery so keep her family in your prayers, her name is Sandy Hicks. I have several loans closing this week so I am hooked up on getting them closed:)) yahoo!! well gotta go lay next to my hubby and enjoy my alone time with him, far and few between times lately. hugs and nite

Working day

hard to see hanging basket, this is Hannah's for mother's day:)

baskets in trees, I have stickers and I was bare foot so I could not get close:(

This is Jenn's for mother's day, I miss them they have been in Mt. Home for a week and will be anothe week with her daddy, Jared had to work about 100 hrs. this week.

petunias basket

I have got so much done that I wanted to do, planted flower beds, went to store and went on listing appointment, now sitting back resting, I got stuff to make lasagna but may wait till another day, I am enjoying the peace and quiet of my clean home with flower beds done:) Kay has been with mother since Thursday and she will bring her here later, I am sure she is wore out, she had Sawyer today too:) I know mother enjoyed that. Mother will spend the night with me and tomorrow she can go with me to Greenbrair to show some houses:) then to Journey church. I took some pics of the flower baskets I get the girls for mother's day and of my yard:))) hugs and nite

Restful Friday

I slept till 8ish which is late for me:) sat around the house drank my coffee, stared out my picture window and the showered:) Went to office and worked, had lunch with Sherry Maxwell, I have not seen her in a month! Then on listing appointment, then Steve and I went to Hot Springs and got our mother's day gifts for all my girls and mother and Kay, they are beautiful hanging baskets, I will post pics tomorrow, we delivered them, then came home and I got me some and hung them on my trees:) watered them and we went to eat Chinese, then to home depot and got the plants for the front garden and the flower gardens around my trees, in the early am I am planting them!! It felt so good to be messing with flowers, I love them!! I have Hannah's here, she is coming this next week end so she can take it home and enjoy it, I get them form a wholesale house in Hot Springs, if you bought them here they would be 75-80 dollars. I always think I should buy a lot of them and double my money here, cause I sure could sell them..you call in Feb. for them to make them, you get sun or shade baskets then they grow them in their green house so it is full and so pretty when you pick them up. I normally get them right before mother's day but this year with Walt's death I was unable to go till today. Just talked to Kay and mother and they have had a fun day and doing fine. I am ready fro bed, for some reason my back is really bothering me, it hurts across the lower part, not like it is out just a throb, I wondered if it was my kidneys, I see Dr. Sanderson Wed., I made me an appointment lst week when I was having a melt down:) now I am fine but will keep the appointment, he can check my back:) plus its time I go see him. I have a listing appointment tomorrow..yahoo!! This is the second call I have gotten in two days to list house and we are in a listing contest, so keep praying me in some business!! hugs and nite!

Thursday evening and home:)

Today has been busy but good, I worked this am, went to the board meeting for the Realtors, then to mothers, Faye came over and we met her, she is so sweet, mother liked her so that made my day. She will start next week helping me with care for mother, she can stay nights, she is in her 60's and lives next to her daughter, so she has the time to work and help with mother. We will meet Connie next Monday, these ladies comes with great references form my friend Pam Richie, so I am excited to know how good they are. Judy worked today form 9-2 while I worked, then Kay came over at 4 and is staying till Saturday so it is a much needed break, I am driving the roads form nlr to mother's three times a day when I work, I will be glad to move her over here. I think it may help her to be in a different home, still her things but a fresh start:) I already have my PJ's on and honestly could go to bed right now, I am going to eat some chicken noodle soup and get to be early.. I have a listing appointment tomorrow at 1:00 in Parkhill, then go to Hot Springs to get some plants I was to pick up before mothers day. I ordered in Feb. hanging baskets that are Gorgeous ! I cannot wait to get mine, I have one for mother and kay too. Alicia, Jill, Jenn and my friend Edwanda and Sherry. I love flowers and I love that green house, it is a wholesale house so you get them cheaper, they would sell for about 80-100 dollars here. I hope I sleep late in am, I am taking some Tylenol pm to help me rest good. It just feels good to not have mother on my mind 100% of the time.......a much needed break:) well going to make soup and go to bed...hugs and nite

Wednesday praying about change of plans:)

Worked today, getting loans closed and fumming over mtg. companies not getting loans done on time, just pitch a few fits today, I do realize it is easier to get bees with honey than vinegar:) its just so irritating when you know a loan is late on closing because someone does not do their job. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........had lunch with my good friend Dinah and her daughter Casi, and Pam, loved being with them....I have needed my friends and missed them. Sherry was coming but I was suppose to call her after my listing appointment and bound me, I forgot to call her, she called when we were half way through our meal:(((( I really miss her, she is getting a estate sale ready and very busy....but I need me some Sherry time. I feel as if I have a huge load lifted off of me, I am still at mother's at night and that is ok for now, but during the time here I have realized so much. For one, I can not move mother into my home or live with her in hers, Kay is not able to do this either. I can do it for a lot of the time but for sure mentally I can not do it all the time and work, even if I did not work, I could not do it. I am not ready to give up my life and my self, and you know I do not feel guilty about that, I think I have studied so much on boundaries that I knew I had to do something different or it was not healthy for me or mother or Steve and April. I have read so much on Alzheimer's and the care givers, I want to be totally involved in mother's life but as her daughter and friend, I have Faye who can come at night and some week days, she will come three nights a week, then April will do one and I will do the other two, I am not ready not to spend some night cause I do love my time with mother, it is so much easier to be there when you have a a break from it, not saying she is hard or mean or rude, she is sweet,loving,caring, and loves to go, its just repeating things over and over and she needs your attention and it is easier when I have my work caught up and can give it to her not stressed my self. I have another care giver Connie she will come during the days and Judy Steve's sister comes days so I have several who will love and care for mother the way I do:) My plan is to move mother close to me in her own home, she will move to Jared's as we had planned before Walt died, then I will take her to Lousiana to visit her sister Connie for a few days and have her all moved when she gets back. I worry about confusing her but really she adjust so easy to these changes, even with different care givers she has adjusted, I have to make the decision best for me and mother. This is what I think is best as of today. I think mother's memory isbeter with proper nutrition. The grand children live close by and can run by and visit a lot more, mother will love that. Alicia is coming by tonight and mother is looking forward to her visit. I thought of just doing a blog on this but I decided no way I can keep up with two blogs so bear with me, this is my life right now:) It helps to write it all out. I talked with Kay about all this today, she will pick some paint colors and we will get the house painted and all ready for mother, it is already real clean, Steve already does that yard, plus Jared is close to help. April Bivens and Alicia and Jared will all be close and Kay will be close, I just think it is a move we need to make. Dread all the work but excited to have some direction and help:))) got to watch American Idol with mother.....hugs and nite....oh yes, I got mother something to help her sleep:))) it reminds me of when Sean was a baby he never slept and I remember going to Dr. Levin saying either you give me something to help him sleep or give me something to where I can sleep though it:))) It will feel sooooooo good to get a good nights sleep, I am for sure sleep deprived!! by the way as you can tell from previous blogs, I have bounced form plans to plans because I was not sure what to do, as a mother when I was unsure I gather my chicks under my wings, almost smother them till I know things are safe and secure again and I do that with mother:)) these plans are all subject to the Lord's plans, I told Jared if his home sells then there is something else, it was shown for the second time today, he was not going to show it but I said no show it, if it sells then God will direct our steps, this is what I am asking Him, is for complete wisdom and direction:) just so you will know I know I am like a bouncing balllllllllllllllllllll!! It will all come about I am confident of that!!

A new tomorrow:)

This tomorrow was from yesterday and it is today:) I got up early did paper work then off to the office fro sales meeting, had a great meeting, then off to lunch with my dear friend who I love so much Pam Richey, she has been such a support to me, she lost her mother two years ago, she was the care taker of her mother and sweet daddy, he is still living and she is the best daughter, she loved her mother and loves her daddy. She has some good wisdom for me and it always helps just to have a friend to listen. I then went to a Chenalwoods condo meeting, that went well, just getting some fresh ideals from other agents. It felt good to get my files in order and get my loans checked on, I love what I do and it felt good to do it.

Today is a new tomorrow, I have a new mind set and felt your prayers. I am figuring what I can and can not do and what is best for mother and me. I also got a break and that was a major help:) Tomorrow Judy will be here at 9:00am and I will be at work:) I have a listing appointment at 11:00. Friday at work Barry ask me about my files and said we did not have copies of my offers, in which I know I am to have a main file on nay real estate I do, real estate law, I wrote so many offers at once and when I was in Florida I was behind, I just started crying which is not me, of course Barry just started saying it is ok, not to worry, BUT I know the law too and knew I had to get it done or hire it done, so today I got them all turned in:)) it felt so good:) I enjoyed the mental break from mother and back into real estate! I have some ideals of what I need to do to best help mother and me, it feels peaceful and I am ready for some peace! Walt obviously trusted me to make the correct and best decisions for mother and he has left me some large shoes to fill as POA, I find myself thinking would Walt be ok with this or that and I think he would be proud of me and mother:) Mother has had a better day, she got her hair styled today and cut, it looks so good, and her nails and toe nails done, they are light light pink, when we got there she said she did not want to do her toes but I reminded she had to have her toe nails cut, so she did, she really enjoyed the pampering:) I will take her pic tomorrow, she is looking like my mother again, still gaining weight:) While she got her nails done I went to Kroger's and got food for the month:) some good good food too, like pinto beans, great northern beans, chicken, pork chops to grill out, sweet potatoes and baked potatoes, lots of different ingredients to make several different dinners, I love to cook and I will have the care taker fix mother's breakfast and lunch but I will do dinner or Steve will as much as we can:) After doing her nails we, me, mother, April went to red lobster, I ate good:) too good:)
Tomorrow I need to go to Verizon and get me a new cell phone and turn Walt's off, they have had two cell phones for the past three years and never used them:( As you can tell I am much better and I feel your prayers, so keep praying for us to settle into a new life style, for me to remember what is important:) and not be afraid to make the right decision for mother, which has to be the right decision for me too:) Not feeling so alone in all this today, it helps to have friends and a wonderful husband......now to get mother to bed:) hugs and nite!!

Monday barley hanging on today

Mother did OK at our home, we went to Kroger's then to eat and to church Sunday nite at Journey, she loved hearing Alex preach and loved seeing Amelia, I am realizing more and more each day that I will need to move her in with me sooner then I thought, so I am starting to make those preparations. It will be a little while so I have time to get ready, my room is large and has french doors out to a deck/patio, I will give her my room and it is large enough for her a sitting area, I have a flat screen we can put on the wall and her new chairs, when she is home she just drives her and me crazy getting into things, she never lets me sit down:( and she does not either, reminds me of when I was little, she was a perfectionist then and now since we got everything so clean, if you do not go look or figure out what she needs then she get frustrated, if you show any signs of frustrations, she feels insecure and embarrassed, I do not think mother is incompetent she can be sharp as a tack, she just has so much nervous energy and wants to clean, clean, now she will not eat right so you have to make her meals and sit with her to eat for her to sit there and finish her meals, I am talking to the Dr. about how nervous she is, she has just been though so much:( when at my house she settled down more because she does not feel she has to clean or cook, so pray for us to make the right decision. I am realizing I will need full time help, when your with her day in and day out and trying to work it really is too much for me, right now I have not got the help lined out but I will, as soon as I can get the time to do it. I want to continue to work and need to work:) financially, so far it has been so stressful juggling work and mother, cleaning her home and mine, its just too much for me. Today was a hard day, I am so tired, this is like having a new baby on your sleep:) tonight my April is spending the night and I came home, hoping to be able to work tomorrow all day, I listed a home tonight, it is real nice in the country and a acre and half, I have loans trying to get closed and a home to list wed. and property to show Thursday, so I need to be mentally ready for all this, plus know mother i cared for. Steve told me it was not a mistake Walt has me as POA that Walt knew I would care for mother as he has and make right decisions for her.......this is such a ruff time for me. In real estate I deal with the largest purchase a person usually makes and I have a duty to watch over the real estate needs for them as if it were my own, that is how I feel about mother. There has been so much to do with getting her home in order to where it is straight, less cluttered so she will do better, getting her finances in order to last her the rest of her life and just sitting knowing that I need to cherish every moment with her there will be a day when she does not know me. When I left today to go to work she almost started crying and ask when would I be back, I said a couple of hours and sure enough she was waiting counting down the minutes for me to get there, then I had to go list that house and left and told her it would be tomorrow before I got back but April would be there, she did not like that at all, she has been nervous today and irritable. Someone told me today to take a break.....I wanted to say how????? who will stay with mother, its not I think I am the only one, I welcome all the help I can get, but I know this load is mime to carry, with the Lord's help:) I hope I do not sound rude or ungrateful for my mother because I love her dearly, its just been a ha rd day and a eye opening week of what all I will need to do and be doing. I have Judy coming wed and thur from 10-2, then I plan on bringing her home with me for the weekend, the part that is hard on that is my home is not ready for her yet and she wants me right with her:) I for sure need some alone time and down time.......it will come, I have to believe that:) Her sister comes the end of the month and as much as I want to see Aunt Mildred and Sharon I may be so tapped out that I go to the condo and rest, I think I could sleep 24 hours straight:) ok so now I have had my sounding board....tomorrow I will be in sales meeting and getting files in order, then a meeting and open house at Chenalwoods condo's......hope I sell one tomorrow!! I do not want to be a debbie downer just saying it like it is:) hugs and nite

Full Saturday!

Got up early too have some me time, mother got up at 8ish. Steve was up early, we then had breakfast and then Lazy boy delivered mother's new chairs, they are so comfortable and pretty, she picked them out and likes them. Then we went to Alexandria's dance at her school, mother liked that, she sat by Alicia, she moved from me to her, I thought of leaving and taking a break but wanted to see Alexandria dance, we went to diner at Texas Roadhouse, which was way to loud, cam home and laid and feel asleep on the couch.....now mother and I are in my bed, we are spending the night here, it is hard for her because she keeps feeling like she needs to be home, but I want to get her use to coming here too...pray for her to adjust, and me too:))) This week I have lots of work so I will be figuring it all out as I go. Well off to bed, its suppose to rain tomorrow so I hope we sleep late, the church tomorrow night and then back to mother's:)) thinking of coming back her Monday night if she can do it:) for the night then back to her house on Tuesday afternoon, Alicia ask how long can I hold up doing this and my answer is I am not sure, I am just taking one day at a time and trusting the Lord:) bout all I can do and all I need to do...hugs and nite

Friday

Today was a morning I did not have to be up and out so early, felt good! Judy came over and sat with mother and us, we went and got two new recliners for the den at lazy boy and to lunch so Judy can get to know mother and mother her, mother really likes her. Hoping she can help some when I work, between her and April and family we will have it covered. Kay came and got mother and they went shopping, they got a down mattress pad for mine and Steve's bed, cannot wait to try it, the bed is soooooo hard. My bones hurt which is odd for me to even be able to feel them but I do! Tomorrow we are going to see Alexandria in her dances at school, I am looking forward to this, then we will spend the night at my house and I am looking forward to that, just hope mother can learn my house:) Having a listing contest at work so I need some new listings, most of mine have sold, so if you know someone who is thinking of selling their home have them calmed, in or out of state, I can over see your real estate even out of state!!! so call me:)))) I am getting back into the work mold the best I can. Still grieving the loss of Walt, I feel as if I have not been able to miss him because I have my hands so full with mother, so when it hits I just cry, I know what happens when you don't!! It is getting better....Ready for bed, IF I can get mother in bed!! Hugs and nite

Fun day!

Today has been a very productive day!! Took mother to the Dr. this AM, had all her blood work done, her physical was good and we will get report on Blood work, Dr. stated mother looked real good! Then we went to Mimi's for breakfast, mother ate so much the waiter who is my friend Dave Bobbitt was amazed at how much she could eat!! Came home after lunch she went to work with me, she enjoyed that and so did I!! Now we are home and watching the news........I am wore out:) I got a lot of work done today so that helps me to have a clearer mind! Aunt Mildred called, mother's sister and her daughter Sharon, Sharon called this Am, she and Aunt Mildren will be coming May 28th. or 29th. for the Memorial day weekend, I am so excited, mother will be glad to see them! Well I got some new buyers today....yea!!! Gotta sell some homes this week!! best run...hugs and nite!

Lord help, April teaching mother her bad habits!

Mother had her PJ’S  on for the night and miss April decided she wanted Baskin Robins ice cream, soooooo off they went, I told mother to sit in the car, but oh no, I knew she wouldn’t:) so she and April trotted in Baskin Robin’s in their PJ”S in West Little Rock, which is uppity, and it was full of people:)  It is fun to see mother not be so reserve and just be spontaneous, she has never been spontaneous, she always had to plan.  Not sure where me and Sean and Hannah and Alicia get it…but we are spontaneous and happy go lucky.  Mother is getting like that:)  Today she spent the day with Kay, I think they had fun, I worked and Kay took her to do some errors and lunch, mother enjoyed going to Kay’s house this morning.  You would think she would be wore out but oh no, she has more energy then nay of us.  I said mother its going to be bed time soon, she said well we cannot go to bed this early………..she stays up late….I go to bed early, good thing April is a night owl!!  Tomorrow we have a Drs. Appointment at 8:15am, so she will need to be up early…….but that does not seem to matter tonight:)  Tomorrow we do not have anything else to do, thank the Lord!  The carpets and furniture got cleaned today, and the draperies…I did not know it would shrink them but it did a little, when I wash the shears maybe they will shrink too! It still does not look bad, just do not hit the floor, Kay for sure noticed it being the decorator she is:)  But as Aunt Otis use to say , no one will tell us about it!!  At least they are clean!   Got a loan closed and a surprise pay check today on a referral:) I love pay days, this will be a good month…thank the Lord!!  I need to sell some homes, the market has slowed down after the tax credit but they are predicting a good summer market!  Well best run…..got to talk mother into going to bed:))  hugs and nite!

Tuesday…….making it

Tomorrow Connie leaves in early am, I am going to really miss her, she has been my rock, my sounding board, my friend, my confident, I love her so much, she has also been all this for mother.  I am ready for her to come back and she has not even left yet:)))  Today has been a ok day, mother has cried off and on.  But she has done well, she and Connie walked today and mother loved that.  My sister in law Judy came over today to visit and let mother get use to her, mother liked her and enjoyed her, Judy has allergies and asthma so not sure how she can do it with the smoke, we will just have to see.  April wants to help with her care so that will be nice.  We are staying at mother’s this week, I miss my house, but know for now we need to be here till mother settles down. Not sure what the next day holds but know God is in control:)))  Not much more to share…….I will have to think on something to blog on!  Its been a good day:) hugs and nite!

Fast packed Monday

Today was so good, I got to the office this am and did some much needed book work and real estate work, then headed to mothers, we went to the Social Security office to do the paper work needed their, then to Red Lobster to eat, I am so gonna miss Connie, this morning at the SS office, I sat down with mother and Connie after waiting for a while they called our number, we went to the window, the man ask for mother's ss number and I said just a minute i have it, I looked in my purse and did not have her wallet with her information, I bout panicked, it had a credit card and her new id in there too with her insurance cards, the guy said I can not do anything without that number, mother was asking what is wrong and she was looking in her purse, I started laughing and so did Connie at me be so lame brain, but felt panic at the same time, I ask mother her ss number and she just spit it right out.......so amazed me, I stepped out not to confuse mother anymore and called Steve to look for her wallet, he had taken it out when he got the receipts in my purse.....he brought it to us but I did not even need her ID!! Poor mother to have me for her helper, Connie has been my brain this week, Lord help us when she leaves Wednesday! Mother keeps saying I am going to keep her! It was a better day for mother today, still hard but better. Seems like every day there is something we have to do, so if you haven't preplanned your funeral or have a list of all your assets and debts then please do it so your family will not have to do it while grieving and not know for sure what is what:) We did this when Jim Averitt, Steve's brother passed two years ago Sept., it makes me a believer in prearranged funeral right down to the obituary. Even though none like to even think on that.

I think I see a light at the end of this tunnel......we will see if it is a train or a real light as the next two weeks progress:) Hugs and nite

Mother’s Birthday and family and slop jar

ok it was called a slop jar, and it looked like this BUT it was metal:) This went on Walt’s beside toilet. mother saw it sitting in the living room ,  we were cleaning everything out of the house, she came by it and looked at me in horror and said what is this doing here?  I ask her what it was and she said well its the slop jar, we have got to get that thing out of here, I died laughing and moved it out, this pic was from a bedside toilet, Steve is going to keep the toilet so he can have it in the deer woods:)  This is mother’s brother Elmer and her sister Connie:)

 

Colin and Clay power washed the deck and Peggy Earnheart came and planted plants in mother’s planter, it looks so good:)

Kay and me and Connie Mother’s room, we went through each room and totally cleaned it all out:) long hard day for sure, very emotional day for us all. I dread Connie leaving wed. am, I will sure miss her.  Mother will miss her, Connie has been with mother each night, it helped me be able to cope with all this, I get over whelmed and just lose my breath, then have a crying time, then realize I am the saved not the savior and it will all work out.  Today when I was driving to get mother and Connie I drove past where Steve’s sister Judy lives, and realized she is the perfect care giver for mother, she is retired from nursing and had been sitting with a lady, she needed a job, she will come over Tuesday while we are there and be there this week, I ask you to pray mother bonds with her and will not feel afraid.  My life has changed as I know it, but I do not want to give up who I am or lose my passions in life for work and the things I enjoy, mother would not want that either, BUT I totally know I am responsible for mother, and I am thankful for Steve, his mother died  when he was 23 and he loves my mother like I do:)  Mother has gained 10 pounds since Monday!! She already looks better, there is no doubt she would of been dead her self, We had stepped in to do something on gaining custody of her  about a month ago, ( remember I was moving them near me) we have seen in the past six months a major down hill slope with Walt and mother, I am thankful Walt did not suffer and that we can care for mother, Walt totally took care of her needs while he was alive and now when he is gone.  Today we went to Alicia's for mother’s birthday and mother’s day which was a fun day, planned on going to church tonight but mother was tired and needed to go home, I went with her and Connie home then came home to my own bed and ready for it:)) Sry I have no pics of it, Jill took some so when she post, I will sang them:) hugs to all

My Aunt Connie

We all have people in our life that mean so much to us, I have my Aunt Connie, as a child when we would go to Signal Mtn. Tenn. I always loved seeing and being around Connie, we are closer in age so I always just called her Connie, as I got older she would take me places with her, she was always fun and I loved her, I still love her, when mother called me Monday after finding Walt, Connie was one of the first people I called, she said do you need me to come and I said YES, as the day progressed with in 20-30 minutes, I called her crying and said when will you be here, she said by 11:00am the next day, she had to book a flight, she lives in Baton Rouge, La.  Connie stopped her life to come asap to help me and mother, this is how Connie is, I know she had a full plate at home but her world stopped to come to be with her sister and be with me and Kay.  If you know me very well, even in the midst of crises, if you ask me what can you do or do you need me, I would usually answer I am ok and I do not know what you can do, BUT its different with Connie, I knew I could not do this, I  not only needed her but felt I HAD TO HAVE HER WITH ME.  As the week progressed I thought several times a day, I am so thankful she came, how would I have made it without her, I dread her leaving but know she has a family to care for and has to go home.  Connie always finds humor in life, she is full of joy in the midst of her on pain, Connie has wisdom and I needed it, several times she would say, NO, Linda that is not what you need to do, Let me tell you……she reminded me I was not super woman and needed help, she told me to call in people to clean and do the floors, I was trying to do it all, and it takes a melt down to know I can’t. Thursday night after the family had all left and the funeral was over, mother and my April had laid down for a rest, Steve had just left to go home, now I thought I was ok, but when I realized Steve had gone, and he kissed me bye but for some reason I did not know he was leaving right then, I started crying, went into the den and started picking up family albums, had a total met down, Connie was out front talking to her family on he phone, I had sorta got my self together,  I thought and took a real estate call, my mind was so addled, I could not even think of what to tell a seller about an appraisal, the whole time we were talking tears were just flowing down my face. I hung up and totally lost it AGAIN, Connie came in the room and you know when your carrying and trying to talk but you can not quit crying???? that was where I was at.  During the process of the week, we put things in mother’s laundry room, it became a catch all, I had walked in there to do something , I could not even walk around, I thought we have got to get all this back straight and it needed straight before we put things in it:) in telling Connie everything my focus was on I can not even get in the laundry room, just crying the whole time I am talking to her, not knowing how I would get though all this, I finally stopped crying with Connie there right with me , I had to get some paper work to a agent, that was immediate and I had it with me so no one could do it for me, I thought ok, this will get my mind better and went to my Little Rock office near mother’s, on the way talked to Steve and he was on his way back over, I got to the LR office it was quiet and I did my paper work then just had a crying time, went back to mother’s and Steve was already there, I needed him there, I needed his hugs and comfort.  Connie had just tore into the laundry room, she had it in the process of being straight, I had to laugh, she has always been a hero to me and she still was:))) Mother woke up and we sat outside, we could see Connie working like a slave,  Connie had said just give me the word, and its done, she did not want to throw anything away till we ask her to.  Today Alicia and Hannah are coming over and we are doing Walt's room and getting things done that needs to be done.  I truly do not know what I would do without my Connie, she is a very special unique person, she is confident and strong, not afraid to speak the truth but will tear up at the drop of a hat, she laughs all the time and makes me laugh.  Connie has a cross to bear of her own but you would never know it, she is my Connie and everyone should have one in their life!!  Connie if you read this I love you so much, thank you for being you to me!!   One other word Connie gave me of advice when I was little, do not go to the out house  during the night, use the slop jar till morning:) now for those who do not know what a slop jar, its a big white bucket with a lid,  it was metal:) and YOU ONLY PEE in it if you have to go during the night:)  When you wear white pants you do not wear pink panties:))  to this day when I wear white pants I have flesh tone panties or white:)) what a AUNT!! Thanks Connie for all you do for everyone, you are the rock for our family.

My Family

I never knew how much and how important my children would be to me, I am crying as I write this, the Lord knew how each one would be so different and bring so much into my life. I do not know how I would make it without each of them and the spouse's they married and the children they have, people will ask are you closer to a certain one, or do you have a favorite and I do, believe it or not each one is my favorite, and each one has such a role in my life of who I am, Alicia is my, ok mother I am here lets get it done no matter what, if I am sick she takes charge and will do what ever it takes to help me, I love working with her, she is strong in her faith and Sean is my light hearted son but with so much life, he will just is dig in and do what ever it takes to help Steve or I, Sean makes me laugh and light hearted, he keeps me remembering to have fun in life, Sean is a big teddy bear, Sean is very sensitive to the needs of others and would give you the shirt off his back, Alex is my rock, he has always been more serious, he is just a pillar of strength and wisdom, he is also my Pastor, Hannah is my joy, she is so full of energy and she just radiates it, she will bring a smile to my face when I am down, she is always thinking of things to do and loves life, she may have you cooking somores in the back yard or camping out:) Jared is the child who changed my life, Jared had Hodgkin's Lymphoma when he was 18 yrs. old, this knocked the wind out of me, but totally prioritized my life and put my life in perspective, Jared is quiet and plain spoken, as he has gotten older I realize how responsible he is, cancer changed his life too, anytime you talk to him he will make sure you know he loves you just in case that's your last goodbye. April is my quiet child, you have to draw everything out of her and the others will tell you everything and not afraid of confrontation or conflict, Alicia will call a family meeting and we all discuss anything of importance:))) April is a gentle spirit and has strong feelings and sense of what others are going through, she is so special to me, I love how she can perceive things and just be there for me with her gentle spirit and loving heart. You see they each are my favorite:) Ok I quit crying, when they were little I thought oh my Lord what am I going to do with them, now I think Oh my Lord what would I do without them:))) Today each one will play a different role in my life, each bringing me peace, life, joy, strength, endurance, wisdom, it may be a look from them or a touch, just their presence near me, but I feel it and am so thankful, they are each individuals in their on way and yet we are all together in our own way, mess with one and you get them all:) I love all my spouses, Bob was my first son in law, he is older then Alicia and I thought at first I was not sure, he is quiet and full of strength and wisdom, he is tender and loving, he is fun to be with, he is a wonderful father and the perfect husband for Alicia, Jill is such a lady, she is just so sweet, she has a servants heart, and she is just a sweetheart, I have seen her struggle in life and been a part of it, she is strong in her faith, Jill is very anointed singer and can sing beautiful, like a song bird from heaven, Jill is a jewel for Alex to cherish, she is a wonderful mommy to Amelia her child she has prayer years for, and Amelia has her sweet smile. Mark is like my son, he has been in our life since he was 15 or 16 years old, I know him inside and out and can just be me, I love him, Mark is light hearted but a worrier if you can be both, Mark is a good daddy and a fun daddy, he and Hannah are two peas in a pod. Jennifer is reserve, she is more private, she is just beautiful and so sweet, she is quiet and confident, she is so loving and even though she is quiet you feel her love , she is a graceful lady. She can run in high heels:))) even pregnant:)) Sarah is so sweet, she is just flat out fun, she is very caring and loving, she is more talkative and I love being with her, she fishes, hunts, and does all the fun things Sean does, Sarah is a good momma and the perfect wife for Sean, she loves him but yet keeps him right on track:) she has a draw to her speech which I love, she was raised in the country, Sarah is in nursing school and has fought to keep going, she lost one of her twin brothers to cancer and she knows how important life is, she is beautiful inside and out. All my boys have for real pretty wives, who are confident in their faith and strong in the Lord, they are the perfect God chosen wives for my sons, I love them all, My daughters have good looking men, and they are the man of the household even though my daughters are like me strong willed:))) but we all know who has the last word:))) The men are strong in the Lord and love their wives. Thank you Lord for all my children!

hugs

Lot going on in my life

We got home from Florida Sunday night, was good to be home, when at work Monday mother called me and was hysterical, she said Walt was on the floor and she thought he was dead, he did not have a pulse, I knew when she said he did not have a pulse she was thinking clear, I flew out of the office, Alicia was there, she want with me end up driving because my legs were shaking so bad, I called 911 and they got there right before we did, Walt had passed, Walt usually went to bed about 5:30am or 6:00am and slept all day, mother stayed up till 2 or 3am and slept till 4 or 5pm, Monday she got up at 1:30 and checked on Walt and that is when she found Walt. The EMT said he died of natural causes, so he had a heart attack or stroke and died suddenly. This has been one of the hardest times in my life, mother has been so confused and lost, it breaks my heart. Most things are coming together, the funeral is tomorrow at 1:00. Alex will preach the funeral and Jill will sing, it will be a special time for us in memory of Walt. I was just racing in my thoughts of what in the world to do, then this morning thought we just do not have to do anything right now, we can just keep things like they are, and stay with mother in her home for now, and then she stay with us a few nights. So that gave me peace of mind, I will have a lady I know come and be at mothers with me there and then she can stay with her during the day time, Kay and I will both share in her care. SO that are my plans and that made mother feel better knowing we were not moving her right now or selling everything. If we come to mind keep us in your prayers...........I will blog as I can for now, mother is my main concern now.......hugs and night.

I will miss sleeping hearing the ocean:(((

I am ready to go home but will miss my natural noise maker of the ocean waves, I have kept my door open all the time and have so enjoyed the view of the ocean and the sound of the waves. There is Thunder Beach Harley Davidson rally here and I am telling the truth over 10,000 cycles, they are every where, in which motor cycles scare me, could be form my brother when I was young or seeing a fatal accident on JFK, many reasons, I do not like hearing them either, but have endured them:) I did enjoy looking at them:)) Tonight will be my last night on the beach till August...will work hard so I will be ready for a vacation, this time I will not take my on calls, I actually do a vacation from work. Steve and Bob went on a fishing trip today, it was fun, they caught some fish but did not keep them. They had a great time:) Alicia and I shopped, all I spent was ten dollars for a new pair of sun glasses:)) yea me!! I have sure enjoyed my time here, work and all:) Its easier to work from the beach, not near as stressful:) My legs at home will be glad I am back, I am sure:) Enjoy the pics:) have a safe night in all the storms here in Arkansas.....hugs! Nite!