Sunday, July 18, 2010

here it comes, like it or not

Well I do not like it, but knew the day was close, April is 19 will be 20 in December, she was in a relationship with a young man whom Steve and I had felt good about, till they just ran out before the Lord's plans for them and we had ask them to slow down the relationship, they had plan to marry, if you remember the blogs from that. Seth and April were and are both to immature to be married, providing they neither one can provide for them self and have areas they need to work though and get straight before they marry anyone. April has went along with Steve and I in this and really believes it her self that now is not the time for marriage, that she needs to go to school and become responsible for her own needs, but she has had a lull in her attitude and it is a constant underlying current between her dad and me. This morning started like any other morning, I have not felt well, not sure what is wrong, unless its this stupid new medicine Bruce put me on Crestor for cholesterol:( but I hurt all over and I am so tired, I have had headaches and even a migraine, SO this am Steve brought me breakfast in bed, April came and laid by me all pissed off, I said what is wrong??? she said she was mad cause Steve got her up at 8am, now keep in mind Steve fixed her breakfast too:) she just does not want to get up early and does not want to work a full time job, not sure if she wants to go to school, but still wants to be with Seth. I told her she needed to change her attitude and be grateful for a home and a daddy who cares enough to fix her breakfast, she again stated what she would and would not do, I again stated I am her mother and she needs a attitude change, this was all in a normal tone of voice, then I said April either change or move out, because Dad and I can not keep going through this, so she said she would move out, she first said Seth was picking her up at 11am and she was living with his grandmother, in which Seth lives with her too. I am not sure if she called Alex or Alex called her but Alex and Jill called for her to live with them so she packed everything she has and moved out to Alex and Jill's. Now you would think that since I knew this may come to this I would be prepared but I am not, I also know you do not say it unless you are going to back it up with tuff love, so I knew when I said either change or move, she may leave but I have to have peace in my home. I miss her and cried all day off and on, so has Steve, I just do not understand what is so hard about living here, maybe we are just to old fashion. We both know it is the wrong time forher to be involved with Seth, I do not wnat to expose his short comings or hers, so that is all I will say on that. So for the first time in 38 years Steve and I live not get the wrong impression of April she is a good young lady, she has some rebellion but its so passive it is hard to recognize, she reminds me of her birth mother and she may have to make some of the same mistakes, I pray not, but at this point I have cut the apron strings to her, I love her more then words can say and my heart hurts something awful, I have been though this before with my son's and Alicia, Jared went off to college and Hannah married, so I know how it feels for them to move out but not when you know its not the thing they are suppose to do and they do it any way against the parents will. We did let her take the car as long as she is at Alex's, to drive to work and back and for errands for them, but not for her leisure. Please pray for us, Someone said to us tonight at my mothers that our family just never has problems and we are all so close, in which we are close but we have our share of problems. In sharing this, its not to expose April or us but just need to share my hurting heart with you. I also realize April is almost 20 years old, but if you know us and her you will know she is not emotionally her age, but she will grow up fast, maybe we babied her too much.....who knows only perfect parents have perfect children and only perfect children have perfect parents:) A wise man told me that once:) The Lord knows we are far from perfect.....praying for April to stay in God's will and the eyes of her heart will be enlighten to the hope of His calling for her life. As long as she satys with Alex and Jill she is in a wonderful home with people they can help her grow up and know just how loved hse is by on but most inportant the Lord. Praying for Steve and I to pull close together and start this new chapter in our life....seems God has me in a few new ares to walk in with mother and now all children out of the home.......I know God will be faithful to me, I just do not like where I am at:(((

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