Friday, November 26, 2010

Need Prayer..............for me and April

I have thought and thought, should I blog about my heart ache, since it concerns my family, in saying that, I have decided to share my heart because I know only God can do anything in this matter and it is not a private matter. It concerns April, we had such a wonderful time with her during the Thanksgiving Holidays, we have not seen her much, as you know she moved out about six months ago, she first moved to Alex's, then moved to Seth's parents home, where she lives now, April usually sleeps all day because she does not like to think, then she goes to Seth's apt., in which is in a very dangerous area of Little Rock, they just had a police stand off there with shots fired in the area, they had to bring people into the lobby at children's hospital because a shot went through one of the windows, such a ruff place to live, much less be 19 and beautiful and come and go from there, but that is not what has bothered me, today when I went to mother's April was there, we both left when Connie the caregiver got there, Connie ask April when she was getting married? I looked at April and said married, Connie said well I know she said she had a finance.......I left and when April got to the house, we were going shopping, I ask April was she and Seth engaged, she lied then said well God is providing for them to get married, I ask her how, she said Seth found $1000.00 dollars in a man's wallet who had been evicted and Seth gets to keep things people leave in the apartment when he cleans them, of course we all know that their are legal procedures on people's be longings, I told her that was stealing, not God providing, what Seth did was wrong, but she said his boss said he could have anything in the apts. he cleans....... then she said a lady in the church she is going to who did not know she and Seth were thinking of marriage came up and gave her her daughter's wedding dress, so God provided a dress, this was like putting a knife in my heart, it made me feel sick immediately, I said April that is a mother and daughter's special time in planning a wedding and her sisters, S-I-L's, as was her prom, then I ask have you planed to marry soon? April said she had written daddy and I a letter and it was in her bag but she was not ready to give it to me yet. I do not dis like Seth but he nor April are ready for marriage, I reminded April of what she said, that she would not marry till her daddy could walk her down the aisle, she did not remember that. Apparently the Pastor and people at the church do not agree with long term engagements, and Pastor will marry April and Seth. Steve and I both believe Marriage is not for now, and the relationship between April and Seth is not for today, April will look me in the eye and lie, something she use to not do, April will do as she pleases, not caring of her families feelings or the pain she causes. April said she will marry Seth if she believes this is what she thinks is right no matter what Steve or I think, this is so hurtful, I can only see pain for her if she chooses to walk in this path. We did not have any argument, no voices raised, just tears and hugs and me saying, I will always love you and I am always here, I will not judge you but I do not agree with what your are doing. It makes me angry that the Harris's to provide her a place to live when she has a home, that she has no accountability, that she go to church and says, God was so strong, she shook, cried and talked in tongues but yet you see no change of the Holy Spirit in her life, which tells me she is living in her emotions. making life changing decisions based on emotions, this scares me for her.......April has a strong will to do things her way no matter what, what scares me is she will, I pray the eyes of her heart be enlighten to what is the Hope of her calling in Christ Jesus our Lord......I need God to intervene in her desire for her is to marry and we all be apart of it, buying a dress, having showers, planning a wedding, decorating, all the fun things that go with getting married, that it be so special......who knows it may be Seth someday and that is ok, BUT neither are ready for that now, please pray for me and with me, if she chooses to marry now, I do not think I can be a part of it, it would break my heart. Maybe I am just to serious about it, I have strong convictions in this area, and my other children have all had weddings that we were excited about, Alex married as a baby ( 19 ) so I do not think it is age that bothers me, Sean lived with his first wife so I do not think its Seth and April having a relationship I do not agree with, Alicia was going to marry the wrong young man, but listened to us and did not marry him now happily married to Bob, Jared was torn between right and wrong in a relationship, God changed his plans when he had cancer, Jared will tell you that today, Hannah and mark listened and waited, even though they dated for years until Mark knew for sure he was ready and Hannah was the I say all that to say, I just know in my heart this is not the time for April to marry, she needs to go to school and she needs medical check ups, for depression and her back, she has skoliosis, which she has no insurance so she would need to go to Oklahoma for free medical because she is Indian, this is about 30 minutes from Hannah, she also wants to go to school, in which I wish she would, as she said she could do that married, which she can, Seth is not a man I trust with my daughter, at this time is my problem, I do not trust the advice she gets from the Harris's or Pastor and I would like to say Pastor, if this was your daughter would you want Steve( my husband who is ordained) to marry her to a man you disapproved of them getting married to? To the Harris's, if I moved your daughter into my home, knowing she was not there at night, coming late, sleeping all day, would this be a healthy way for your daughter to live? or would you say something to me??????????????? We are brother's and sister's in the Lord, we may not believe the same in all areas, I just do not understand why push them into marriage when they can not support them self, Seth still drinks, struggles with drugs, and has had a steady job for a few months, no insurance, no way to really care for a wife and lives in the worst area of Little Rock, you would want your daughter safe and a man that could take care of her and would not compromise her safety or her virginity, in which I realise it take two to tango............all this make me sick.................I wish the Harris's and Seth would back out of our life and give us our daughter back.......I wish Pastor and Sister ( who April talks to ) would know the whole truth of Seth and April, I wonder if their counsel would be the same? As you can tell I need a lot of prayer, even in posting all this, its probably wrong and I will probably regret it, but this is my heart and I am heart broken and sick inside......I have lost my daughter, my trust is in the Lord to get me through this, God has always been faithful to answer my prayers, not always my way, but gives me Grace to endure it......tks for listening


Stickhorsecowgirls said...

I hear your heart and I do understand. My rebellious daughter would NOT ever listen to us--now she is living with someone who does not treat her well with a year old baby son. It is heartbreaking. She "knows" she has messed up--I do not beat her over the head with it, but the situation gets worse instead of better. Apparently, her boyfriend does not want to marry her, and this is probably a good thing. She would marry him in a minute, and I suspect this is the source of anger in her--they DO not get along. As much as I want my grandson to have his dad in his life, I am not seeing qualities that are good for my daughter and grandson. I am praying for God's intervention and my daughter and grandson's safety.
Have you considered talking to the Pastor--hopefully he would feel bound by confidentiality and would honor your request to keep it that way. One thing I do know, when alcohol and drugs are involved, it is a dead end until the problem is dealt with. That is a problem in our situation. I do know my daughter's boyfriend's mother is a godly, praying woman--Unfortunately, he is more influenced by his dad--that's all I'm sayin about that!
All we can do is persevere in prayer and hope for the best--God is in control--that's what I keep telling myself, because I falter at times.
I know you are dealing with Alzheimer's with you mom as I am with mine. It feels overwhelming at times--the sandwich generation -caught between rebellious kid(who have been raised better than that!),and aging parents-(-Helllo God, do You HEAR me?)It's a bummer!lol
Praying with you!

Linda Lou Rogers Averitt said...

v...I have ask to meet with the Pastor and lady who April's talkes to in the church, hope they will meet with us,thanks for your reply, I will pray for your daughter and grand son too:) hugs