Heart to Heart Blog

This morning I am just thankful I survived yesterday, it started easy and suddenly turned into a over whelming day, but ended peaceful, which I know is from prayers. I think today I just need to cry so I am. I did not realize it till I started to blog, have a lot of emotions swimming around in my head. Hannah was in a lot of abdominal pain yesterday, she thought it was gas, then got a hot bath and laid down, it got worse, Mark called about 11:30 to see what we were doing, he had to come home from work and his boss had pressure on him to get some reports out that day, I knew I could not go right then, I had work and the weekend was full with work, so April went down, before she could get there, Hannah's pains were worse, she did not think they were contractions but gas, Mark took her to Er in Ft. Smith, with all the babies tagging along, Hannah was in a panic and pain, I wanted to be with her so bad but was 2.5 hours away, right when all this was going on, Mother's care giver called and said mother was afraid of her and I needed to come over, I talked to mother on the phone, she was trying to be nice and not say anything in front of Faye but she wanted me over there, at this time, I was to be in Cabot for a walk through inspection before a buyer closes on their home, the buyer was already there waiting on me, I called Kay and she went to mother's,in which she had just left 15 minutes earlier and all was fine, for some reason mother will think Faye is a man, and has these past few weeks, Faye will tell her she is a lady, mother will think she is Walt sometimes and call her Walt, Faye is a black person, she will tell mother, she is black and Walt was white and that she is a woman, we all just adore her, mother has had a fear of black people and I almost did not hire Faye in June last year because of thinking mother may be scared of her, but we did and mother has loved her, Faye has been with us a family gatherings and mother will hold her hand and make sure every one knows her, but for yesterday she thought Faye was a man and did not want to be alone with her, she was afraid she would have to stay up all night because since Faye was a man, he might rape her......now in saying that, mother had a hard life and was abused as a child by her mother, (Mama ( Billie) is her step mother) and was raped...so she may have valid reasons for those feelings but I do not know why she thinks Faye is a man, Faye wants to quit if she is scaring mother, she loves mother and does not want to see her scared......please pray mother will know Faye as a woman and not be afraid. Kay got to the bottom of this when she went over there, so I am thankful we know why mother is afraid of Faye sometimes. Mother is agitated if you correct her in any way, such as If she is in the freezer looking for tea, or in the trash looking for water, you have to be very careful how you tell her, its not there, she is tired of the changes in her life, having someone with her all the time but is afraid to be alone, and really could not be alone. Every night about 4ish to 5ish she will start in on going home, she will worry that she has no money and want to go home, which is where she use to live before Walt died, she will look around her own home and not recognize it, then when you say, this is your home and your furniture, she will say are my clothes here? Then she will look around again and recognize her things and say, I do remember this........then it starts all over again till bed time. She has been getting up after going to bed and just asking the care giver weird questions, or bringing them something from her bedroom. I wonder if I just totally quit her meds. if it would be any different? Although she has been on the same meds since June and it was not like htis then......so many questions in the best way to help her. It just hurts my heart to see her scared, not understanding her life, wanting things to be back like they were......so many questions come to me, am I doing this right, should we just live together now so she will feel safe, if so can I do that mentally.......I just do not know and feel over whelmed by it all. so pray for me. My home is a busy home with grand babies,work, etc. can mother handle living with me? It maybe time to find a home where we can all fit, I just do not want to move, guess I could add on for mother......who knows, as you can see, I need wisdom and prayer:0 I am excited, we ( me, mother, Alicia, Steve are meeting Mama and Connie, mother's sister and mother in Memphis March 24th, 25th., I am excitedbaout seeing them and hope mother will still know htem, she loves them so much! I told her and she said she was ready for a trip, for me to get her some money out of the bank and we would just have a good time, foot loose and fancy free:)) she can be so funny! Hannah is home and resting, when she first got home she was vomiting, but things settled down last night for her, Hannah has no help in Van Buren, they do not know anyone they can leave the children with, or just have someone help her. I will be glad when they are closer, even though that is not that far away, it feels forever when she is in need of her mother and I can not get there:((( totally upsets me too:)) Today is a beautiful day, showing property, need to go to store and may take mother to Jacks ball game:) we will see ho the day goes, its still early nd I have not talked to anyone on how they are today yet:) hugs and thank you for listening to me and praying for me and my family! Keep Cole in your prayers, he came home form school sick yesterday, Sarah was in class and they could not reach her, so Sean left work early to go get him, he got written up for leaving early and will probably be suspended for three days he said, COlehad fever and coughing, he was to come over today and spend the night, but with him sick he will stay home:(( plus I am just getting over all that crud and do not want another bout of it. Pray for hi to get well and for Sean and his job, Sean is struggling with it all at work. Pray for April as she helps Hannah and seeks God's will for her life, That is a heart to heart blog too:) Steve is doing good from his last surgery, he is healing good, just still not up to par on energy level.