Marriage

From this to this39 years later…….blessed with this

When your married for a few years people will ask how you made it this long.  I woke up with all this on my mind and decided to blog, hoping to help give you insight to a healthy, happy marriage, hoping to help you not make the mistakes we have.  First off marriage is a two way street, you give 100% everyday, 24/7, 365 days a year, then if you both do that your covered when one can not, yes, there are days you do not have 100% to give I will be only speaking for me in my marriage,  as a young bride, who had never been away from home and moved 2000 miles away, I was miserable, I became pregnant right off with Alicia, I have been pregnant 8 times, yes, I said 8 and have 6 children.  I think in the early days, the children kept us together, we could not afford to divorce, not that we had not thought of it many times in all these years.  What I would like to share is what I have learned in being married.  1st. Peter chapter 3 tells us women, that if our husband is wrong in his doing, we are to be quiet and he will be won without a word ( from us) by our gentle and quiet behavior…….NOW I was far form gentle and quiet when Steve did something I did not think was right….BUT over the years have tested this scripture and know it to be true.  As a young bride I was very insecure, had a lot of baggage, when Steve would go out of town if he did not call I would totally blast him, out of my own fears and insecurities, when he would be late and did not call I would blast him, again out of my own emotional baggage, I could never understand why he may not want to call then he said who wants to pet a biting dog?  Are you a biting dog?? if so you will drive your husband away from you, because of your own needs inside that only God can heal.  Steve had a hard time telling me no, I did not hear no and did what I thought was ok, inside he simmered with anger towards me, then when he said no to things I WANTED, I manipulated him, so this makes for a lot of frustration in a marriage.  I was and am his beloved, I just could not see it in my younger years……….wish I had.  I have learned to let Steve be Steve, let me be me, know where I began and end and where he begins and ends, we are one in spirit and unity but two separate people, Steve makes major mistakes in my mind but I have learned God is in control of Steve and I am to pray for him to hear God in our marriage.  Do not misunderstand, for those who know me, know I am a strong personality, I do have my opinion and we agree to disagree sometimes on issues, we do not move on till we can agree, then sometimes even though I can not stand it, I just have to trust God and submit because Steve will be adamant on something.  He is usually right! Ladies this is the security you are looking for, a man who hears the Lord, now keep in mind you may not think so all the time, this is where you have to trust the Lord, a man who does not bow down to you but stands up to you, to help build God’s character in you, but totally loves you unconditional.  This is what we all want, so next time he does something that makes you angry look and see if it is something emotional that you need help with, if it is a fear of divorce? is it you just want your way? I know from experience we can make the man or break the man with our actions and words, your husband will NEVER be the man he can be if you nag him, correct him, embarrass him, I learned as a young wife, not to uncover Steve’s faults with my family, no one loves your husband like you do, they will judge him, and you will be over it So find a friend who loves your husband to share with and will give you good advice when you need to share. We can make or break them, in Pro. it says a spirit of a man will attain him in sickness, but who can can bear a broken spirit????  You know when your feelings are hurt or you have a wound to your inner core, that is your spirit…….in all our years of marriage Steve has had a very sensitive spirit…..I can wound him easily and have.  I have seen His spirit broken by me, I pray you will learn from me and guard your husband’s heart as your own.  For a long marriage you have to be totally honest and learn how to communicate, we learned this through Marriage Encounter, a work shop that teaches you to communicate your feelings, which are very hard for men to communicate.  I encourage you to Google it and go to one of these, they have them twice a year in LR but they are all over.  Ladies keep your feet at home, you are more vulnerable then your know, men will entice you and say sweet things, but guard your heart in his area, from my mistakes, I learned to keep my feet at home, I do not go to places of temptation  for me, failed in that area in my marriage and never want to go there again, grass is never greener on the other side So how do you have a happy long marriage?  Its not always happy If you will look at all the fingers pointing at yourself when your looking at you husband’s fault it will help you see he is just like you, he has needs, he has feelings, they are in your hands, what will you do with them?  Build him up or tear him down, it is in your power to do that……..I have learned to build Steve up, I have learned to love when I do not like him, I have learned to shut up and walk away, I have learned its not all about me, even though most the time it is, for real…..working on that still, working on my marriage daily, loving on my husband daily, letting him see the real me and trusting him with my heart when he has hurt it daily……but most of all Trusting God to keep my husband the man he is and is to be and keep my mouth shut:0  Look at your self, if you need help get it, life and death is in the power of the tongue….be a life giver in your marriage!