Monday, April 5, 2010

Little Correction:)

I am so thankful God loves me enough to correct me! I had a wonder Easter day with my children and Kay's family, we went to church as you know Sat. night so we stayed in Sunday morning, felt strange on Easter fro sure. Mark and Hannah was here and he was going to mow his yard and I said NO not on Easter Sunday morning:) He did not mind. Have some Easter pics to add later. Then about 1:30ish the kids all came buyt Sean and his family, he had to work and Sarah stayed with her family, I really missed them, I just know when one of my babies and their babies and wife is not here:( Anna had gone to Dallas with her mama and pawpa. We had a great day, had a big egg hunt! Victoria found the prize egg, I did not tell her either, mater of fact I did not hid them and those that did had no ideal which was the prize egg:) So proud of me! After that we went to Journey Church, Alex had a good msg. and we took the Lord's supper it was a special time. THEN Alica and I went to mothers and Walt's. Alicia distracted mother while I spoke with Walt about moving. This did not go well, he was very rude and crotchety old man........he will not move due to the neighbors which I totally do not understand him in this, other then he maybe never intended on moving and just was going along with it, which is not like him either unless he is more cunning then I give him credit for. I talked to him about a episode mother had a few days ago in her memory, and that she will only get worse and how safe the street is where Jared's house is, he told me he had said his peace and was finished talking so shhhhhush! I sat quite for a little while then I said what about what I have to say or my peace? He said mine did not matter, he owned his home and he had made a decision and for me not to say one more I got up and I did say, I do not think you are making the right decision for mother......then I went to the kitchen and prepared his dinner in which he had requested, it was all I could do to even take it to him and I had to pray to be able to do that, then he would not eat it and told me to take it back.....which I did. Upon leaving Alicia went in the den where is sits 24/7 to tell him bye and I knew in my heart I had to do that and tell him I love him....nothing in me wanted even to say anything to him, he was in my mind the way he had been most of their marriage.....BUT I did...of course he just gave me a go to hell look and we left. I cannot tell you how mad I was, or maybe fearful...not sure..I know my feelings were hurt, I had thought we had come a long way, but I can see real quick where it is at......I declared in my heart I would not help him at all, I would not pay another bill even if something got shut off, Walt and mother have excellent credit and money but mother does not know how to pay bills now and Walt doesn't, mother gives them to him and he just sits them beside his chair, he does not even deposit his checks, last time I took 8 checks to the bank from dec till I thought to hell with it......the only thing I would do is make sure mother eats and takes her meds. which means someone has to go daily.......mother's blood pressure is like 180/150...stoke level if she doesn't take her blood pressure meds. BUT she cannot remember and neither can he.........SO ths was my frame of mind last night....then I ask the Lord to please help me, He reminded me He can move mountains that He is mighty to save! This morning when I woke up, my thought was it is easy to love the lovely but what good is that? It is hard to love the unlovely and that is what I am to do.......I do love Walt but I love my mother more and want her cared for, as she is she will not live much longer, she is 90pds or less....:( so today God has given my scriptures all day....I called to check on mother and she was trying to cook Walt's dinner....she did not even know what she was cooking.......sometimes I think maybe its good she is still trying.......maybe he is right.....I just do not know. I do know I have to be nice and trust the Lord to give me the wisdom I need in caring for them both.............pray as God brings this to mind....I need Him to move mountains:) and HE CAN!! Today I had a great day at work, showed property then got all my paper work done and turned in!! YEA!! Been a busy week and a full day tomorrow.......Keep April in your prayer too, she and Seth have broke up and her heart hurts, she knows it is the right thing to do, Goad had a work to do in them both......hugs and nite!!


Anonymous said...

Lord help!! I did spell check, guess I should of read it again and again for the corrections:0 sry

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

Linda, Vicki and I are sitting here reading this. Vicki just got back from visiting her Alzheimer's patient mother. I am hating this aging process. YOu are in our prayers--and your mother, too. Vicki and I are very worried about her. Love, Cindy