Saturday, April 17, 2010

38 wedding years


steve 38 years steve profile  still so good looking!!linda 38 years

1972                               2010


Going back in time, 38 years ago April 27th 1972, I married William Steven Averitt, there is a journey to share:)  I was 18 years old and engaged to a young man whom I thought, I was in love with, maybe I was, but not the kind of love they can  make it through thick and thin, six children, 13 grand children………….

I met Steve by a mutual friend Bill Brown, actually I met him when I was 16 years old,  I baby sat for his sister Judy, she lived down the street from me and I loved her children Vickie and Stevie Perry, they were like my babies, I always loved children and wanted eight:)  I went to Central High School with Bill Brown, he was two years older then me,  my sister’s friend.  He became someone I had a major crush on, but he did not give me the time of day till I got older:)) He and I dated some but were such good friends we just became best friends and would go out with each other if we did not have a date.  He joined the Navy along with Steve, my finance had told me he was joining the Navy with them, he was a friend of Bill’s and knew Steve, because Steve’s sister Patsy was married at the time to Bill’s brother Larry. I would get so upset and cry and cry thinking my finance was leaving… I wrote Bill daily and sent him brownies, cookies,etc.  What I did not know was Bill let Steve read all my letters… finance did not go into the Navy, we continued to date, we had broken up when Bill called and ask did I want to go out with Steve when they came home from boot camp, I said yes, then my finance and I worked things out and were on again…..the misery of dating:( . Well I broke my Friday night date with Steve and got him a date with a friend of mine Susan, Steve had ask me out for the whole weekend, to go out Friday night and go out Saturday and go skiing Sunday.  That Friday night my finance took me home about 10iish so he could hang with Bill, made me real mad:( then the next day Larry called to see if Steve and I were still on for our Sat. night date, I said yes:)) I did not take calls from my finance because I was mad and he had said he was going out with Bill that night, so I went out with Steve, now little did I know how my whole life was going to change  that night, Steve ask me to marry him and I said yes, my motive was not pure and I was not in love, just happy go lucky, impulsive and totally not making a life long commitment…thinking I will show my finance who goes to California:( God intervened in my life that day, I did not know it and I did not know God, but He was ordering my steps.  I went to church with Steve the next day and when they passed the roster for you to sign in with I put my name and was going to write his, I had to ask how do you spell Averitt…and this was who I was going to marry….Steve did sweep me off my feet, he sounded like Elvis to me when he talked, and too good looking!  Steve went and talked to my daddy and my daddy said yes, which was a miracle, mother and daddy did not think I would do it but I did, we married that Thursday night, had a church wedding in Oak forest United Methodist church and reception at Aunt Maries, wedding cake and all the trimmings. My sister Kay took me shopping and got a going away dress, a sailor dress and a wedding dress….all was on go. My Aunt ask my daddy if I was pregnant, and his reply was” Heck she has only known him four days!”  I had never been away from home when we moved to Chula Vista California, Bill lived with us and I was so thankful, I did not even know Steve and was in Love with my finance still and away from home…I cried every day, Bill was homesick and he cried with me:) what are friends for? Steve said it was the birth control pills, so I quit taking them:)))) not long after we were married I got pregnant with Alicia, boy was I sick….I actually was about to miss carry when Steve took me to Balboa Hospital where the Dr. told Steve he need to do a d&c that I had lost too much blood and would never carry the baby, I was 3 1/2 months pregnant…..I was too young to even understand what he would be doing but I was scared and home sick and wanted to go home, so I did, I went to my Dr. who gave me the year supply of birth control pills:) and he put me to bed and on iron, I stayed sick the whole pregnancy but little Alicia was fine:) I came home in Sept. of 1973 and my daddy was hurt in a const accident Oct. 23rd, his birthday and past away November 10th that year.  I was so glad I had come home, I am not sure how I would of been had I not. I had one last 30 days with him.  Steve came home when he past and then he went over seas, when he was home I went to Wilber D. Mills, at the time a state rep. and got him out of the military, I must of acted crazy now that I think of it, BUT Steve would not get out, he felt it was his duty to serve, I felt I needed him home……..trouble……..he was gone and I had Alicia, she was four months old when he came home, again I had not been with Steve but 3 months or more so I was not in love with him or really knew him, I knew we had fun together and I was starting to love him but he had not been there for me when he would not get out of the Navy so I was hurt.  I stilled cared for my finance and would run into him from time to time. When Steve got home I had been living with mother still and we moved into our own place, we started being a family and I started falling in love with him….I got pregnant and I miscarried, then got pregnant again with Sean, got pregnant again and miscarried. We had just bought our first home in Sherwood, we thought a boy and a girl, we have our little family, then I got pregnant with Alex…..this time we knew for sure we had our family and Steve had a vasectomy……..I had three children by the time I was  22 years old…….I still had commitment issues…….and I was feeling trapped as a mother and wife, I started partying and drinking and doing what I wanted, I married young and felt I had missed out on life… then I got into some trouble with a friend of mine, that night I went to bed and woke up to a voice saying “BE HONEST” I thought who said that, Steve was asleep and it was just me, I hear it again, I said God is this you???????  I got up and got the big family white bible and opened it to Rom. 10:9 &10 it reads, to confess Jesus and you shall be saved, I asked God to help me that night, I was miserable, I love my children and sorta loved Steve but felt trapped.  God changed me that very moment, I woke Steve up and told him I got saved, I thought you had to do that to make it work, because it said confess:))) Steve said “well see” he was ready to divorce me, he had got on his knees a few nights earlier and prayed for God to do something or he could not keep going on in this marriage… NOW when GOD says be honest, He means be honest, so after a few days I ask Steve to go with me  and I told him everything about me and what all had happened since we have been married, I had been unfaithful and was in some legal trouble.  When we first married I was on probation for stealing a credit card with my friend, Bill McAuthor was my attorney and I got off with probation, was on probation when we married, had to ask the Judge if I could leave the state:) After God woke me that night I called Bill Mcauthor and told him what I had done and I had gotten saved and wanted to make it right…..he helped me again and again I found mercy and was never charged.  Now for me to be honest meant telling the truth which was foreign to me and hard for me, I had issues:) After sharing everything with Steve he wanted a divorce for sure…….I knew when God said be honest and if was I could go to prison, be divorced, lose my children…it was a major risk but God was so real to me I knew He had me in His hands and that brought me peace and happiness for the first time like I never knew before so I obeyed Him.  Just so you’ll know Steve had not been a saint in the marriage either…he was honest with me, I thought how can he so judge me when he did what he did…but I just stayed quiet and prayed.  There was a major change in me, I called my dear friend Linda and told her I got saved and I started going to Indian Hills Baptist church with her, I was totally accepted and I had found a church home I love and they taught me so much, I learned the bible stories as I teached in the children’s learning center, Steve began going although he said he would never go to a Baptist church, he was Methodist:) but he did:))) I actually had a love for Steve that was God given and my children, I loved being a mother and realized the role I had in their lives. Steve began to enjoy the church and we finally joined in June of 1976.  Now I wanted another baby so bad but could not have one, I was scheduled for a hysterectomy  when I found out I was pregnant with Hannah, I knew Steve would think the worst and I knew I had not done the worst so I was in shock when Dr. Simmons said I was pregnant but I was so excited, I had Dr. Simmons call Dr. Moore who did Steve’s surgery three years ago and I picked him up at work on his lunch and took him there. sure enough he had sperm:)) After Hannah, came Jared, Hannah was four months old when I found out I was pregnant with Jared, I did not know how I could love another baby and I cried and cried, Dr. Simmons helped me through that:) when he was born the love was instant and I was so thankful! During all this time of marriage, Steve and i always had a great sex life that kept us together, plus five children:) we had our ups and downs as all marriages.  When Alicia was 18 yrs. old I had just about had all Steve I could do, Steve was not in touch with his emotions and any time you showed emotions you were a martyr:( he was of the mind set, when the going gets tuff you pull your self up by your boot strips and go on……I was of the mindset I could not even find the boot strips, I had no grace to go on and was angry and decided to leave him, I went and talked our Pastor and told him, he started to cry, I said I just do not care if we all go to hell in a hand basket I can not keep doing this, I am miserable so is Steve so are my children…….Steve always worked long hours to provide for us and was in a tense job for years when all this was going on. We were very active in church and trusting God to help us…but I was at my wits end living with someone who would not let me be me or my children be them.  On the way home from the meeting with the Pastor i hear a radio ad for Marriage Encounter, I felt the Lord tugging at my heart and I told God ok I will go but this is it…..we went and it changed our life and marriage, where I thought there was not even a spark,,all was dead and I was nub…there was, it only takes a spark to get a fire going…..and God taught us both in that weekend how to communicate in our marriage, He taught Steve how emotions are good, we saw what made each other tick and how to respond to each other….it changed our life then and had kept it changed.  I could not believe how you can go from where I was to so much hope in a weekend, I sat and cried through the whole thing, the people did not even know I could talk…..

That was the beginning of a wonderful marriage…..Steve became my very best friend, he knew all about me and accepted me, I knew all about him and accepted him, not that we did not have disagreements, we do, but we care enough for each other to let us have our identity and our opinions..even if they differ.  Steve was a God send into my life and my life is forever changed..I love him dearly and I am in love with him, I till get excited when he holds my hand, I love caring for him…..marriage is not based on love or your feelings they will always change but on commitment, we took divorce out of our options and said we would work though it all and we have.  Now I still get mad and I still sometimes think…….what the heck, I am outta here but it is far and few between and God gets hold of me, it is usually me wanting my way when I do not need my way:)  Marriage is something you work on daily, it is wonderful to be married to my best friend, my lover and a wonderful father and daddy grand…glad we stuck it out and made our selves work though all the problems that marriage has…..I am so blessed with Steve and our children and grand children….God has been Faithful to me.  There is so much more I could share but these are the highlights/dim lights of my marriage, looking forward to growing old with my hubby! Hugs


Linda Lou Rogers Averitt said...

Steve served in the Vietnam War, he was on the USS Coral Sea.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

What a wonderful story of redemption and TRUE love! My husband and I married in 1973 and we've had LOTS of rough patches, but have stuck it out. Still not perfect, but we are both hard-headed people! Sometimes I'm sure our kids wished we had behaved better--that does make me sad. You should go out some evening with "C" and me. I'd love to meet you! V.

Anonymous said...

I love you Aunt Linda...and Uncle Steve!!! :) -ab

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

Wow, Linda! I knew some of this, but it has been a ride, hasn't it?! This is a wonderful story for you to share with others, to let others know that marriage does, as you say, have its "ups and downs," but it is meant to be a commitment. Thank you for sharing so honestly so that all can see a model of trume commitment! Love, C

Anonymous said...

I just love it when you share this story, each time you share more and more. It is very encouraging. I am Thankful you stayed together. I love you and Happy Anniversary. Love Hannah

alicia jean said...

I never grow tired of hearing this story.....its is the story of my life to, how it began. I love you and daddy so much and whenever I think I cannot go on in my marriage, I always come back to the fact that you guys have worked so hard to leave a good legacy and unless I'm going through something you haven't...and I NEVER I am to sit tight and work things out too!! Love you