Sunday, December 9, 2012

Not as good as I once was........

This morning woke up and had all this on my mind,  I am not as good as I once was, but good once as I ever was, now I know the song is talking about other things, but I am reflecting on my life as a young bride, young mother and now.  I always have kept a clean home, when you come in, it is inviting and orderly and clean, a place for everything.  BUT if you go to my closet or get in my pots and pans, kitchen drawers they are not in any order and if put in order I will get them out of order in time.

Thought on how when I was young I could have the house totally clean and done by 8:30am, the children all had their chores to help, now it is easier to keep clean but takes me more time, I can do part one day, part the next, but my home is still inviting and clean.  I always have my floors clean in case one of my grand babies is crawling, have my windows clean because if they are clean the whole house looks clean:)  BUT the drawers, closets, pots and pans were still in clutter.

In 1976 God saved me, I was asleep and He spoke to me, at the time I had so much going on, a mother of three, ready for divorce,  very troubled inside, out side looked good but internally was a train wreck. I got up from my sleep and got our Family Bible mother had given us.

 I read this scripture Romans 10:9-10

This was the beginning of a whole new life for me, God began to clean the clutter in my life up, so my inside could be in order.  This past three years when I began a twelve step program, that I thought was for drug addicts, God began a work in me, my outside looked good on the outside, thought I had worked on the inside, but the Lord began to show me clutter that I did not need on the inside, bitterness, resentments, hurt, habits and hang ups,  as I worked through the 12 steps the Lord was able to declutter my heart:)  This morning I was thinking of all this and realized in the natural this has happened too, my closets are in shape, (for me) my drawers are good, nothing falls out of the cabinets when I open them, I use to say open at your own risk.:)  So in saying all this it is to let you know God is faithful to continue the good work He has started in you, I am thankful He does not leave us cluttered, even though it is painful to look at a lot of things that have cause hurt, but He is faithful to heal and allow forgiveness to us so we can give it to others.  Forgiveness is a whole nother story:)

Someone ask me a year or so ago if I had forgiven a situation in my life, I said yes, he said I do not think you have, because if you have then you will never hold it against them, and they are totally released,you would be around them and be ok,  at one time I would of said that is right, but I have learned in life that I do forgive but have set boundaries up not to be in that situation again, with that said, here is what I mean, If you let me keep your child or grand child, and when you picked them up you noticed that their bottom was totally bruised, you ask me about it, I said, well I had to spank them all day long to obey me, I was breaking their will.  Would you forgive me?  Would you let me keep your child again? This actually happened to me when Sean was little, 2 years old:( AT the time I was such a victim that I did nothing, today would be a different story! Did I forgive, yes, did they ever keep hm again, NO.............not because of unforgivness but because I drew a line in what I believed was best for my child and family, had nothing to do with forgiveness. So that is my stand on I got here from where I started I do not know, just free writing:)
 I never want to have unforgiveness in my life because I have learned it only hurts me. Plus I have been forgiven so much, how could I not forgive?  But by the Grace of God I go.

To get back to I am not as good as I once was,  I cannot do it all like I use to, takes me longer, barley can do it sometimes, but it is much easier without all the clutter in my life!  I have heard what you see it in the natural, it is in the spiritual too, I believe that......just look at your life, see what God is doing in you and you will find traces of that in your life!  For we walk by the spirit laying aside these fleshly desires we have, in which one day we will realize the only thing important thing in this eternal life is what we do in the Spirit of God, those things will have value, I am not there yet, I still get caught up in today, worrying, striving, fearing being nervous, saying here I am God trying to trust, help me to know and trust in all you have for me today!  God has ALWAYS been faithful, not always in ways I have liked but He has always come though for me, since that very day I gave him my messed up cluttered life.  Hugs!

One other thing, It bugs me when spell check my word is not a word:) I like my words, now my spelling is a whole new story!!

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