Tuesday…….making it

Tomorrow Connie leaves in early am, I am going to really miss her, she has been my rock, my sounding board, my friend, my confident, I love her so much, she has also been all this for mother.  I am ready for her to come back and she has not even left yet:)))  Today has been a ok day, mother has cried off and on.  But she has done well, she and Connie walked today and mother loved that.  My sister in law Judy came over today to visit and let mother get use to her, mother liked her and enjoyed her, Judy has allergies and asthma so not sure how she can do it with the smoke, we will just have to see.  April wants to help with her care so that will be nice.  We are staying at mother’s this week, I miss my house, but know for now we need to be here till mother settles down. Not sure what the next day holds but know God is in control:)))  Not much more to share…….I will have to think on something to blog on!  Its been a good day:) hugs and nite!

Fast packed Monday

Today was so good, I got to the office this am and did some much needed book work and real estate work, then headed to mothers, we went to the Social Security office to do the paper work needed their, then to Red Lobster to eat, I am so gonna miss Connie, this morning at the SS office, I sat down with mother and Connie after waiting for a while they called our number, we went to the window, the man ask for mother's ss number and I said just a minute i have it, I looked in my purse and did not have her wallet with her information, I bout panicked, it had a credit card and her new id in there too with her insurance cards, the guy said I can not do anything without that number, mother was asking what is wrong and she was looking in her purse, I started laughing and so did Connie at me be so lame brain, but felt panic at the same time, I ask mother her ss number and she just spit it right out.......so amazed me, I stepped out not to confuse mother anymore and called Steve to look for her wallet, he had taken it out when he got the receipts in my purse.....he brought it to us but I did not even need her ID!! Poor mother to have me for her helper, Connie has been my brain this week, Lord help us when she leaves Wednesday! Mother keeps saying I am going to keep her! It was a better day for mother today, still hard but better. Seems like every day there is something we have to do, so if you haven't preplanned your funeral or have a list of all your assets and debts then please do it so your family will not have to do it while grieving and not know for sure what is what:) We did this when Jim Averitt, Steve's brother passed two years ago Sept., it makes me a believer in prearranged funeral right down to the obituary. Even though none like to even think on that.

I think I see a light at the end of this tunnel......we will see if it is a train or a real light as the next two weeks progress:) Hugs and nite

Mother’s Birthday and family and slop jar

ok it was called a slop jar, and it looked like this BUT it was metal:) This went on Walt’s beside toilet. mother saw it sitting in the living room ,  we were cleaning everything out of the house, she came by it and looked at me in horror and said what is this doing here?  I ask her what it was and she said well its the slop jar, we have got to get that thing out of here, I died laughing and moved it out, this pic was from a bedside toilet, Steve is going to keep the toilet so he can have it in the deer woods:)  This is mother’s brother Elmer and her sister Connie:)

 

Colin and Clay power washed the deck and Peggy Earnheart came and planted plants in mother’s planter, it looks so good:)

Kay and me and Connie Mother’s room, we went through each room and totally cleaned it all out:) long hard day for sure, very emotional day for us all. I dread Connie leaving wed. am, I will sure miss her.  Mother will miss her, Connie has been with mother each night, it helped me be able to cope with all this, I get over whelmed and just lose my breath, then have a crying time, then realize I am the saved not the savior and it will all work out.  Today when I was driving to get mother and Connie I drove past where Steve’s sister Judy lives, and realized she is the perfect care giver for mother, she is retired from nursing and had been sitting with a lady, she needed a job, she will come over Tuesday while we are there and be there this week, I ask you to pray mother bonds with her and will not feel afraid.  My life has changed as I know it, but I do not want to give up who I am or lose my passions in life for work and the things I enjoy, mother would not want that either, BUT I totally know I am responsible for mother, and I am thankful for Steve, his mother died  when he was 23 and he loves my mother like I do:)  Mother has gained 10 pounds since Monday!! She already looks better, there is no doubt she would of been dead her self, We had stepped in to do something on gaining custody of her  about a month ago, ( remember I was moving them near me) we have seen in the past six months a major down hill slope with Walt and mother, I am thankful Walt did not suffer and that we can care for mother, Walt totally took care of her needs while he was alive and now when he is gone.  Today we went to Alicia's for mother’s birthday and mother’s day which was a fun day, planned on going to church tonight but mother was tired and needed to go home, I went with her and Connie home then came home to my own bed and ready for it:)) Sry I have no pics of it, Jill took some so when she post, I will sang them:) hugs to all

My Aunt Connie

We all have people in our life that mean so much to us, I have my Aunt Connie, as a child when we would go to Signal Mtn. Tenn. I always loved seeing and being around Connie, we are closer in age so I always just called her Connie, as I got older she would take me places with her, she was always fun and I loved her, I still love her, when mother called me Monday after finding Walt, Connie was one of the first people I called, she said do you need me to come and I said YES, as the day progressed with in 20-30 minutes, I called her crying and said when will you be here, she said by 11:00am the next day, she had to book a flight, she lives in Baton Rouge, La.  Connie stopped her life to come asap to help me and mother, this is how Connie is, I know she had a full plate at home but her world stopped to come to be with her sister and be with me and Kay.  If you know me very well, even in the midst of crises, if you ask me what can you do or do you need me, I would usually answer I am ok and I do not know what you can do, BUT its different with Connie, I knew I could not do this, I  not only needed her but felt I HAD TO HAVE HER WITH ME.  As the week progressed I thought several times a day, I am so thankful she came, how would I have made it without her, I dread her leaving but know she has a family to care for and has to go home.  Connie always finds humor in life, she is full of joy in the midst of her on pain, Connie has wisdom and I needed it, several times she would say, NO, Linda that is not what you need to do, Let me tell you……she reminded me I was not super woman and needed help, she told me to call in people to clean and do the floors, I was trying to do it all, and it takes a melt down to know I can’t. Thursday night after the family had all left and the funeral was over, mother and my April had laid down for a rest, Steve had just left to go home, now I thought I was ok, but when I realized Steve had gone, and he kissed me bye but for some reason I did not know he was leaving right then, I started crying, went into the den and started picking up family albums, had a total met down, Connie was out front talking to her family on he phone, I had sorta got my self together,  I thought and took a real estate call, my mind was so addled, I could not even think of what to tell a seller about an appraisal, the whole time we were talking tears were just flowing down my face. I hung up and totally lost it AGAIN, Connie came in the room and you know when your carrying and trying to talk but you can not quit crying???? that was where I was at.  During the process of the week, we put things in mother’s laundry room, it became a catch all, I had walked in there to do something , I could not even walk around, I thought we have got to get all this back straight and it needed straight before we put things in it:) in telling Connie everything my focus was on I can not even get in the laundry room, just crying the whole time I am talking to her, not knowing how I would get though all this, I finally stopped crying with Connie there right with me , I had to get some paper work to a agent, that was immediate and I had it with me so no one could do it for me, I thought ok, this will get my mind better and went to my Little Rock office near mother’s, on the way talked to Steve and he was on his way back over, I got to the LR office it was quiet and I did my paper work then just had a crying time, went back to mother’s and Steve was already there, I needed him there, I needed his hugs and comfort.  Connie had just tore into the laundry room, she had it in the process of being straight, I had to laugh, she has always been a hero to me and she still was:))) Mother woke up and we sat outside, we could see Connie working like a slave,  Connie had said just give me the word, and its done, she did not want to throw anything away till we ask her to.  Today Alicia and Hannah are coming over and we are doing Walt's room and getting things done that needs to be done.  I truly do not know what I would do without my Connie, she is a very special unique person, she is confident and strong, not afraid to speak the truth but will tear up at the drop of a hat, she laughs all the time and makes me laugh.  Connie has a cross to bear of her own but you would never know it, she is my Connie and everyone should have one in their life!!  Connie if you read this I love you so much, thank you for being you to me!!   One other word Connie gave me of advice when I was little, do not go to the out house  during the night, use the slop jar till morning:) now for those who do not know what a slop jar, its a big white bucket with a lid,  it was metal:) and YOU ONLY PEE in it if you have to go during the night:)  When you wear white pants you do not wear pink panties:))  to this day when I wear white pants I have flesh tone panties or white:)) what a AUNT!! Thanks Connie for all you do for everyone, you are the rock for our family.

My Family

I never knew how much and how important my children would be to me, I am crying as I write this, the Lord knew how each one would be so different and bring so much into my life. I do not know how I would make it without each of them and the spouse's they married and the children they have, people will ask are you closer to a certain one, or do you have a favorite and I do, believe it or not each one is my favorite, and each one has such a role in my life of who I am, Alicia is my, ok mother I am here lets get it done no matter what, if I am sick she takes charge and will do what ever it takes to help me, I love working with her, she is strong in her faith and Sean is my light hearted son but with so much life, he will just is dig in and do what ever it takes to help Steve or I, Sean makes me laugh and light hearted, he keeps me remembering to have fun in life, Sean is a big teddy bear, Sean is very sensitive to the needs of others and would give you the shirt off his back, Alex is my rock, he has always been more serious, he is just a pillar of strength and wisdom, he is also my Pastor, Hannah is my joy, she is so full of energy and she just radiates it, she will bring a smile to my face when I am down, she is always thinking of things to do and loves life, she may have you cooking somores in the back yard or camping out:) Jared is the child who changed my life, Jared had Hodgkin's Lymphoma when he was 18 yrs. old, this knocked the wind out of me, but totally prioritized my life and put my life in perspective, Jared is quiet and plain spoken, as he has gotten older I realize how responsible he is, cancer changed his life too, anytime you talk to him he will make sure you know he loves you just in case that's your last goodbye. April is my quiet child, you have to draw everything out of her and the others will tell you everything and not afraid of confrontation or conflict, Alicia will call a family meeting and we all discuss anything of importance:))) April is a gentle spirit and has strong feelings and sense of what others are going through, she is so special to me, I love how she can perceive things and just be there for me with her gentle spirit and loving heart. You see they each are my favorite:) Ok I quit crying, when they were little I thought oh my Lord what am I going to do with them, now I think Oh my Lord what would I do without them:))) Today each one will play a different role in my life, each bringing me peace, life, joy, strength, endurance, wisdom, it may be a look from them or a touch, just their presence near me, but I feel it and am so thankful, they are each individuals in their on way and yet we are all together in our own way, mess with one and you get them all:) I love all my spouses, Bob was my first son in law, he is older then Alicia and I thought at first I was not sure, he is quiet and full of strength and wisdom, he is tender and loving, he is fun to be with, he is a wonderful father and the perfect husband for Alicia, Jill is such a lady, she is just so sweet, she has a servants heart, and she is just a sweetheart, I have seen her struggle in life and been a part of it, she is strong in her faith, Jill is very anointed singer and can sing beautiful, like a song bird from heaven, Jill is a jewel for Alex to cherish, she is a wonderful mommy to Amelia her child she has prayer years for, and Amelia has her sweet smile. Mark is like my son, he has been in our life since he was 15 or 16 years old, I know him inside and out and can just be me, I love him, Mark is light hearted but a worrier if you can be both, Mark is a good daddy and a fun daddy, he and Hannah are two peas in a pod. Jennifer is reserve, she is more private, she is just beautiful and so sweet, she is quiet and confident, she is so loving and even though she is quiet you feel her love , she is a graceful lady. She can run in high heels:))) even pregnant:)) Sarah is so sweet, she is just flat out fun, she is very caring and loving, she is more talkative and I love being with her, she fishes, hunts, and does all the fun things Sean does, Sarah is a good momma and the perfect wife for Sean, she loves him but yet keeps him right on track:) she has a draw to her speech which I love, she was raised in the country, Sarah is in nursing school and has fought to keep going, she lost one of her twin brothers to cancer and she knows how important life is, she is beautiful inside and out. All my boys have for real pretty wives, who are confident in their faith and strong in the Lord, they are the perfect God chosen wives for my sons, I love them all, My daughters have good looking men, and they are the man of the household even though my daughters are like me strong willed:))) but we all know who has the last word:))) The men are strong in the Lord and love their wives. Thank you Lord for all my children!

hugs

Lot going on in my life

We got home from Florida Sunday night, was good to be home, when at work Monday mother called me and was hysterical, she said Walt was on the floor and she thought he was dead, he did not have a pulse, I knew when she said he did not have a pulse she was thinking clear, I flew out of the office, Alicia was there, she want with me end up driving because my legs were shaking so bad, I called 911 and they got there right before we did, Walt had passed, Walt usually went to bed about 5:30am or 6:00am and slept all day, mother stayed up till 2 or 3am and slept till 4 or 5pm, Monday she got up at 1:30 and checked on Walt and that is when she found Walt. The EMT said he died of natural causes, so he had a heart attack or stroke and died suddenly. This has been one of the hardest times in my life, mother has been so confused and lost, it breaks my heart. Most things are coming together, the funeral is tomorrow at 1:00. Alex will preach the funeral and Jill will sing, it will be a special time for us in memory of Walt. I was just racing in my thoughts of what in the world to do, then this morning thought we just do not have to do anything right now, we can just keep things like they are, and stay with mother in her home for now, and then she stay with us a few nights. So that gave me peace of mind, I will have a lady I know come and be at mothers with me there and then she can stay with her during the day time, Kay and I will both share in her care. SO that are my plans and that made mother feel better knowing we were not moving her right now or selling everything. If we come to mind keep us in your prayers...........I will blog as I can for now, mother is my main concern now.......hugs and night.

I will miss sleeping hearing the ocean:(((

I am ready to go home but will miss my natural noise maker of the ocean waves, I have kept my door open all the time and have so enjoyed the view of the ocean and the sound of the waves. There is Thunder Beach Harley Davidson rally here and I am telling the truth over 10,000 cycles, they are every where, in which motor cycles scare me, could be form my brother when I was young or seeing a fatal accident on JFK, many reasons, I do not like hearing them either, but have endured them:) I did enjoy looking at them:)) Tonight will be my last night on the beach till August...will work hard so I will be ready for a vacation, this time I will not take my on calls, I actually do a vacation from work. Steve and Bob went on a fishing trip today, it was fun, they caught some fish but did not keep them. They had a great time:) Alicia and I shopped, all I spent was ten dollars for a new pair of sun glasses:)) yea me!! I have sure enjoyed my time here, work and all:) Its easier to work from the beach, not near as stressful:) My legs at home will be glad I am back, I am sure:) Enjoy the pics:) have a safe night in all the storms here in Arkansas.....hugs! Nite!