The new normal

To say this has been very difficult is a under statement, I have had my running shoes on to the point I felt faint at times, I was blessed with my out of State family here for mother's funeral, they left Tuesday and I went to work, it was very hard to keep my chin up, had some crying times but all in all stayed focus on work and getting loans closed.  People totally depend on you to be there as their Realtor, if your not nothing flows as smooth, with me being off for four days, came back in full swing to get things closed, remember I told you how busy I was, my dear friend who took my calls for a few days did a excellent job but this is a business that people want you, you are who they hired, even thought with m  mind so scattered they would be better off with the agent taking my calls:)

I loved mother's service, it was just so sweet, Jill and her mother and sister sang Beulah Land, one of mother's favorites, they harmonized so well, then Denney Calhoun her caregiver;s husband sang the little brown church in the wild woods, one mother sang to us when we went to the church last year, she remembered it all:) 
I could not believe all the people there, I thought maybe 50-60 and it was over a 100 people! What a blessing to have so many friends and family share in the Celebration of her life.
I find my self thinking of her all the time, thinking I need to do something then realize I do not, in the fact she is no longer in her pain of the last days of her life I am relieved. I used to wonder how you die from Alzheimer's, most get a infection, or fall, but mother actually past from Alzheimer's. So thankful she can talk now, walk now, eat now............just  full of life again!! You forget how to do those things, even swallow:(
Work is still busy, I am so afraid of making mistakes from still being so tired, I wish I could take some time off and will, once I get these loans closed, a few days at the condo will be wonderful! I sleep so good there.  My house is back clean and quiet again, tomorrow I do not have and appointment till 1:00pm so I can just be home and enjoy my home:)  Well all in all I think Steve and I are doing pretty good, we cry and are thankful at the same time for our sweet mother:) It will be different, I turn my phone off at night now, use to I never turned it off and people would call all hours thinking they could just leave a voice mail, I actually went to Rose Bud to get my vitamins today, was afraid to go that far off these past few weeks, so I am getting some freedom back in my life that I enjoy. Steve can have my full attention now and I can have my Grand Babies over more, I am looking froward to that too:) So yes it is a new normal, for the past four years I have been a caregiver to mother and Walt when he was living, then the past two and half gave my all to mother, now I am going to find time for me and Steve:)  hugs to all and thank you for your prayers:)