I have been so over whelmed , On Thursday I went to see mother at 2pm, her eyes had a glaze to them and I knew she did not feel well, I ask to lay her down, we did, I came back at 3:30 to stay, sent Steve to a loan closing, she was up and seemed a little better, so I left to go to home group, then NH called and said Mother was lethargic and Blood pressure 80/33 the Dr. said send her to ER.  I said no, I am on my way, since then she has been in bed, BP up and down, sleeps most of the time, will awake some, this morning she has been awake and talking:)  I know this is her last days with me, I had some time just to talk to her, and let her know it is ok to go, that we will all be ok.  For her to watch for the angels to come.......very hard morning, that was Friday, I called in Hospice on Saturday, they had been ordered but on hold, after not knowing how quick I can get meds for mother for end of life if needed to keep her pain free. 

She has had a lot of visitor's, each saying bye in their own way, these pictures are special family time of loving our sweet mother, I decided to share it with you, after a family member who can not be here said it helped her feel close to mother to see the pics since she cannot be with her.

April Bale and Alex Averitt,mother

 

Amelia was singing Jesus loves me and the wheels on the bus go round and round:) Amelia  sang to other pts. too, they loved her!

Mother had a good weekend, she enjoyed her visitors, she loved Jimmy's tie, it was little children in support of St. Jude's Hospital, he wanted to leave it with her but I said no, it will get lost, the vistors gave her a little boost of life.  I do not know when it will be when Jesus comes for her, I have all planned for her funeral, which is good. Right now help is limited so I am at NH most of time, Alicia and April spent Sat and Sun. night so I could rest.

 

I made Steve go to the Dallas Cowboys game with Jared, Bob and Jack, Jared got the tickets that their company had, they wine and dine their vendors with, no one could go, so he took them, it was on 50 yard line, with Jerry Jones in box behind them:) all the food and drinks provided, Jack was in HOG heaven, all the candy too:) Cedarcreek is part of the Founder's CLub, so they are upnotch seats and food bars, candy bars, ice cream bars, all you want:) my kind of place:)  They had a major suite provided too, so Steve said that is a experience that rates up there with the most important in his life, you can not even image it, they had 10,000 employee's to cater to the fans! He said he felt like somebody important, I said you are!

 

 

 

I have a listing appointment  this afternoon, I have to keep my business going even in the midst of all this,seller's and buyer's are investing in the most expensive thing they will ever buy, and normally need help right now not able to  wait, if you can not be aviable they will call someone else, becasue of thier time frame, its a busy time so I have my office  all set up in NH room this am:) Getter done by God's grace, trusting Him to keep me going:)  Mother told me this morning she was scared, and not to leave her:((  she has been tearful today and yesterday:( Steve will come while I have appointment and he is doing all he can to keep the business working. Just a hard time......reminds me of the song Denny Ezell's little girl wrote,  its a hard time.....a sweet song she sang at her daddy's funeral. 

 

 

Just wanted to update you on all of what is going on:) hugs and keep us in your prayers.

 

Wednesday

This week as been a run your tail off week so far and I do not see a let up in sight, which is a good thing!  Closed 2 loans, listed 3 homes, and still have six more loans to close this month,  1.5 million dollar deal this week, its commerical land deal. Real Estate is crazy busy!  I am very thankful:) 
Monday I had a great meeting with the nursing Home, got some things straight that needed to be for mother's care, seems like I lose a little more of her each day, today was really hard, I went this am and she was in physical Therapy, she was trying to do some upper arms therapy, in which she could not do it by her self, she said to me, can you get me back to where I was?  It broke my heart, she was so serious, I said sure mother, let me help you work your hands, then I said you have to try to do this to get back to where you was, and she said well where was I??? which made me laugh.....I have no ideal how much longer she has but I know my time is short with her. She will not eat, and drinks very little, so I value every minute I have with her.  I grieve daily, some days easier then others.   On Monday they have Elvis at 2pm., Kay and I are both going to be there with her, who knows might take her for a swing in her wheel chair!  The neatest thing, there is a chair lift, it looks like a hammet swing chair size cloth, mother loves it, it lifts her now to put her in wheel chair and lay her in bed, she just cuddles up in it and sorta rocks her as it moves:) It is much easier then people trying to life her which hurts her and scares her, but she loves the chair lift:) I do not want her to go but its so hard to see her like this, I pray she does not have to suffer much longer, its all in the Lord's hands:)

On a more cheerful note, Jared is taking Steve, Bob and Jack to a Dallas Cowboy's game this weekend, his company has box seats and he got to go with three others:)  Sean is at Hannah and Marks and all he can say is deer are every where, they saw over 50 deer, so far none have been bowed down:)) I need to get up there to teach them to run away!

Tomorrow night is Home church, I am making home made chicken noodle soup, we do a pot luck and share a scripture, it is always fun and I love to hear other's thoughts on scripture:)  Steve and I thought we may go to PCB Florida the end of the month, but will wait with mother like she is, but I am so ready to just sit at the ocean, I love it! So peaceful. 

Pray all my deals to close and pray for my listings to sale, I am praying for a great end of year for me, I have set some high goals and working to meet them.  Hugs to all and to all good night!

My October Baby

Got up this morning fighting getting sick, I did start antibiotic yesterday for head junk, wanted to go see mother this am but will not go, so I will not make her sick, just called and talked to her nurse, she is doing ok, having some good days:)  I got up and rented a movie on movie on demand, got snuggled into my chair with a cup of hot tea, it is raining and I do not have work till later, I rented October Baby, I did not know anything really about this movie.  It is about a young woman finding her self, she was adopted at birth.  Such a great movie and the actress in it was actually being healed emotionally by the Lord as she played her role in the movie as the birth mother.......if you have not seen it, it is worth watching and for sure if your a adoptive parent or child.

It helped me see my self in April's life, Steve and I have always been so protective over her, not only us but all her brother's and sister's, I have always loved her the same as my birth children, people have ask that to me, is there a difference, and the answer is no, but there is a difference in the lengths you go to,so your child will never be rejected again if you can help it:)  in saying that, rejection is a part of life, so yes, they will be and you can not keep that from happening in their life:) But it caused me to look back and understand my role as April's mother, it always made me mad inside when her birth mother would call her self mother, raised so many emotions in me, in which I realized its because of never wanting April to be rejected again by her, at the same time with out her I would not have April, that movie helped me realize that when you adopt a child you have a protective heart because you have actually gotten them out of a rejection in their life that you never want to know again, for April it was a danger for her life. When you give birth to your child they have never been rejected or in danger, so its a different kind of protectiveness you have, hard to explain matters of the heart:) BUT I do know the love is all the same, I did not actually birth her out of my body but she was birthed out of my heart, love all my babies dearly:)

If your are adopting a baby you will as a mother be more protective in different areas, you have fears someone can get your baby back, will they seek out who gave them birth?  Will you lose them to someone else? 
In April's story we always let her know she was hand picked by God to be our little girl, we fought for her life and wanted her as our baby, in our family, her brother's and sister's chose her as their sister, they did not have a say so in the others:) I am blessed because my children are all very close with each other they have a bond that so many do not have, they love each other, do not always agree but my saying is "we may fight behind closed doors but when we cross the street we hold hands:) "
I just thank the Lord for the blessing HE gave me in choosing me to be April's mother:)

Broke and Yielded

In my quiet time today I read this and it really made me think, " True surrender is not simply surrender of our external life but surrender of our will—and once that is done, surrender is complete. The greatest crisis we ever face is the surrender of our will. Yet God never forces a person’s will into surrender, and He never begs. He patiently waits until that person willingly yields to Him. And once that battle has been fought, it never needs to be fought again."


Once that is done surrender is complete, it will never be fought again,  I hummm....... which meant I was not sure, I look at my life and see areas needing surrender daily, when someone is walking in ways that are not good for them, we think ,well when God gets them they will stop, but this am I thought this through and through, on the part it never needs to be fought again, I grew up riding horses ( was LR's Rodeo Queen, even rode in parades and Rodeo at Barton, tee hee)  when you break a horse's will, it is broke you never have to do that again,  now this does not mean it will not buck, rare, nicker, throw its head, run from you, this means you have broke its will and it knows that you care for it, you will feed it, love it, groom it, ride it and it does not have to be afraid, the horse understands what a saddle is and a bit, it will do what you say now, sometimes it may take a quirt or spurs but it will obey, never again to be a wild buck, it yields its will to its owner, now its spirit is yielded to, BUT it still has personality, it will still try to do it's old ways, only to be corrected by its rider and made to mind once more, BUT it never goes back to before it was broke.  So I do agree with this, we yield our will to the Lord the day we ask Hm into our life to take over our life, to live our life in accordance to HIS will, we are broke, what ever came our way in life, we yielded and said help me, once that will has yielded it is broke, never to be fought again.  So what is the problem?????? It our personalty, our sin nature that still acts out:) to say it in a nice way, we buck, throw our head, kick up our feet, but when God speaks we yield again and again, we have been broke to HIS will in our life.  The Lord works on us minute by minute to help us be more like we desire to be, which is like Jesus.  One thing about Jesus, he was a quiet man, until He needed to be heard, then He set things straight, He was compassionate, He loved people, He loved doing His Father's work, He loved his family but yet had to walk his Journey alone, He knew when He needed to get alone and did, He knew when to correct people and sometimes it appeared rude, when He cleansed the temple He was angry with a Godly anger at what the people had said and done. Was He yielded, YES HE was, are you yielded to the Father's will in your life?  I am, does not make it easy sometimes, I almost bite my tongue off when I want to cuss some one out, I get angry,  you for sure get Linda Lou Rogers, everyone does this, this is life, its not always going to be peaceful and people will make you mad, but at the end of the day its you and the Lord and He quietly says, its ok, rest my child, we can work on this tomorrow,  because your will has and will forever be broke now you gently cry and yield to HIM, my not understand what's in HIS will, what is in His plan, so many times I ask Him why. One thing I now for sure, its so wonderful to have a fiend that loves me regardless of me, that gives me strength in the storm and peace, that always is there no matter what, I am broke but not always yielded:)

Whew how things change!

 April caring for mother

 Mika getting shugs

Peyton getting a hug

 

WOW how can a day change so much, last Thursday I went to Nursing home to find mother very very sick, we ended up going by ambulance to UAMS, we got out today, mother is back at Nursing Home, she is really lost ground to the point we will involve Hospice now in our lives. She was brought back by ambulance too because she is not able to sit up on her own, I am praying that she will regain her strength and be able to stand again and sit, so pray with me:) I meet with her nursing home Dr. tomorrow morning early....to say this has been a hard week is a understatement, I have faced as well as I can that mother will actually pass away, not sure when but she is much closer then she was and all changes in a matter of minutes.....life is very fragile......we do not realize it, but it is.  I find peace in knowing mother is ready and I will see her again when God calls me home.  Now to get her the best care and give her the most love I can till the end.  My heart is broken, I am exhausted but have a real peace in the midst of this storm that is from prayers and God, no doubt. 

I am not sure what all tomorrow holds, Know I have to be at NH early and have work too, I am tyring to keep up with work, thank the Lord for Steve, in this business you have to preform no matter what is going on, because homes are people's largest purchase and sale....they need the agents full attention, so I try real hard, it helps to have Steve:)

Please keep us in your prayers:) I live on them right now, we did not go to help Hannah, they were unloading their truck tonight at 7:30, so I know it is hectic with all the babies and no beds for them to sleep on yet, I wish they had more help, but they are getting it done.  I will be thankful when I can go see them and  help her, I know she needs me now but mother needs me more at this time, be thankful for it all to settle down:) 

I have peace in the decision I have made about mother's care, I met with Nursing Home told them my concerns about mother and think we are all on the same page. Result of your prayers again:)

Going to bed now so hugs and nite.............

Far and few between

I am getting worse at blogging, you would think I have more time now to blog but its just sitting down and being in the right mid frame to do it:) 

To catch up, I did got to Hannah's and see where she will be living, they love it, I love it, it is a neat home with 14 acres in Centerridge, which is 10 minutes form Mark's work, deer every where, and I am sure some black bears may be in that area.....eeeeeekkkkk! It is all fenced, some in pasture land, so they can have their farm and live on love:) I am sure Steve will be putting our camper there for new hunting grounds, it backs up to a National Forest:) I am so excited for them, we will get the babies Friday then go back Monday to help them move, I love that house, it is so them:) Maybe me too, I told Steve I would not mind moving there when we retire, Hannah and Mark said they would give us a acre:) Never know......
Work is still unreal busy, Iam so thankful we have ten loans in closing so the end of the month will be staggering busy getting it all done, Have closing already for Oct ober too, I like to have about four closings in the pipe line each month to make the sarlay I enjoy:) with mother in the NH I have been able to focus more on work and making a living, hope to pay my debts off so I can retire:)

Speaking of mother, she is ok, she is still happy in NH, it is still hard to leave her there, I still think I could do better at times with her here, have not toally got that out of my head yet, she is just progressing down the Alzheimer's path in later stages, she has lost some weight, she will not eat for me or them sometimes:( she sleeps more in her chair, her eyes have that blank stare, she does lighten up when she has company, totally comes out when Jack is there with Alicia, she loves his hugs and kisses, Alicia and Jack go daily after school, for which I am thankful, she may not remember who we are but she can feel the love we give and it makes her happy:)  I know the days will be harder emotionally for us all as we go down this path, not to sound depressing but be realistic.  I find great help in my care givers group and my Memory People group, it helps me look at reality, plan for what lies ahead of us and know mother is ok and in a happy state of mind for today:)  I still get upset with NH, but have learned to ride it out, they are doing the best that can at times.

All my babies are ok too, Alicia is with her best friend in PCB this week, I am excited for her to have that alone time, it is much needed, Sean is hanging in there, he is trying to prepare for winter with his work, being in construction you normally get laid off;( Alex is preaching his heart out and working his job, he has to travel more hthen he or his family like, Hannah is like a little pig in slop right now with her move:) Jared is going great with his job, he works a lot of hours too, out of town some, but all is well with him, April went with us to Van Buren, she is wanting to pursue her medical career, she likes her job at Baptist but is looking more into nursing field, she is doing good. So there you go, all my grand babies and spouses are doing good too:) 

Now to share about me, I went to Barry Barnshill who has a shop called Remedies in Rosebud, he is holistic, he put me on some meds for Wilson's Syndrome, my ismus of the thyroid is not working right, might not be saying or spelling it right:) I have always had a below normal body temp like 94-96, this has been what has been my problem with so many areas, I am taking a vitiam like med, all natural and it has made such a difference in how I feel, it is hard for me to believe I pushed my self every day to do all I was doing, I actually wake up with no headache and some energy, I am sleeping so much better, he said this is why it is hard for me to lose weight too, he is a wonderful man with a true gift from the Lord in helping people, he helped Steve too with his stomach problems:) I had much rather take natural things to feel better:)  So far so good, Will keep you posted, if I really feel good and have energy there is no telling what all I can do:)  I am hopeful this will change how I feel and I will actually feel like doing what I do instead of always pushing myself to keep going, instead of saying good lord it is morning, I say Good Lord, it is morning, lets got for it!!

I am actually thinking about selling my home sooner then I thought, for real, I can not even believe I am saying this because I love my home, but I am really thinking on it, I have someone who wants to buy it, it would be after the first of the year, just not sure where I would go, I do not want to buy anything right now, I know I can not live in apt....so just thinking on it:)

Our home group starts up again tonight so excited about that, will be cooking some kind of veggie for pot luck tonight, have a luncheon to go to today and write a contract at 3:30 on one of my listings with a new agent, so a slower day, will get to spend some time with mother today too:))) Hope you have a great day doing what ever you do...hugs