Sunday, February 2, 2014

Family Secret

This past week has had some things happen that have been a eye opener for me, I was with a young person, whom I love very much and they told me they wanted to tell me something but they had been told it was their family secret.............this went all over me,  that a loving adult in this child's life would tell them to keep a family secret.  When we have a family secret it is because of pride in someone's life, that they do not want the truth exposed and had rather put a child under such pressure to carry the family burden then share their feelings and get council.  The young person decided to confide in me and I shared my view on THE FAMILY SECRET....... growing up I had a family secret, I never shared until I had been married several years, it ruled my life in so many ways, my behavior in so many ways, when we have family secrets we carry as a child we will act out in our on way.  This young person is failing all grades, can not sleep at night. I shared that anytime anyone ask you to keep something you know needs to be told a secret then it will hold you in bondage, that when we bring it to the light it exposes the darkness of the hold that secret has on you and your family.  Someone in the family has to be healthy enough to say, this is going to be exposed and we are going to be real and get the help we need, its just so sad when it is the child who realizes this, when they are surrounded with adults who thinks its best to keep things a secret.  This child was afraid, felt unprotected and unsure of so many things.  When I was a young mother I determined in my immediate family we would never have a family secret no matter what it is, we would be open and honest with each other, and confront what ever the problem is, get help if we need it.  I remember when Sean was young, I had pick up a candle and threw it at him, I knew I was so wrong and made a appointment for us with a counselor, I told him to tell anything and everything to Dr. McRae, that we need help, he would of never told on me, which is how children are, but I told it, I was ashamed that I threw something  at my child, I had been pushed to my limit and needed to react differently, at the same time, when you see there is something that can harm your child as a parent or grand parent you expose what ever it is and get the help for who ever it is that needs it.  Dr. Mcrae was a God send in our life, he helped Sean and I a lot, more me seeing how to cope with five children and me being ADHD and Sean and other children being ADHD, not  a easy thing:)
My point in blogging on this, is do not  put your child in the place to carry a family secret, love the child enough to be open and honest and expose the lie to the truth, for it is the truth that will set family secrets free!!! 
Do not put your self in the place to live with a Family Secret, you go and get what help you need to understand the harm it can be for you:)  As I told this young person, if satan can keep it in the dark, then he has a foot hold, but when you turn on the light the darkness has to flee, and God can do the work that needs to be done:) Never easy, but oh so worth it!

Its been a fun week end, I have cooked and cooked and the kids came in and out and ate and ate, me too:(( gotta get back on eating right in the am.  My Uncle LD past away and his funeral is tomorrow, he was the last living sibling on my daddy's side of the Rogers family, Please keep my Aunt Verda Mae and his children in your prayers, he was sick but not like passing away sick so it was unexpected, he past in his sleep.  well I am so ready for winter to be over, but looks like a few more days of winter, I have a closing tomorrow and a pretty full week with work:)  hugs to all! night

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